


*eyeroll*

by Bahhumbug669



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Also the denbroughs don’t suck, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Fluff, Good Parents Maggie and Wentworth Tozier, I’ll add more tags as I go ig, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, The missing kid stuff does happen, They’re all teens in this, because bill deserves the world :), but everyone lives, cause i love them fight me, i really did not intend on this being angsty it just happened, richie and stan are best friends, they all deserve to be happy so that’s what this is, this is a gc fic, what’s a plot???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 28,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23523826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bahhumbug669/pseuds/Bahhumbug669
Summary: Bev decides it’s a good idea to make a group chat, she quickly regrets it.Ft. Gayness, good friends, and Georgie———————————stanford: I think it’s time we bring up the “no flirting in chat” rule.stink man: gee thanks stan
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Mike Hanlon/Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak
Comments: 50
Kudos: 149





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is the first time I’m writing something like this so hopefully it’s good

[4:43 pm]

[Beverly Marsh created a group chat]  
[Beverly Marsh added Benjamin Hanscom, Michael Hanlon, William Denbrough, Stanley Uris, Edward Kaspbrak, and Richard Tozier to the group chat]  
[Beverly Marsh changed chat name to Losers Club :)]

Beverly Marsh: perfect

Stanley Uris: Bev, what have you done?

Beverly Marsh: ???

Stanley Uris: Wait for it.

Richard Tozier: wE HAVE A GC NOW????

Richard Tozier: FUCK YEAH BITCHES

Beverly Marsh: oh, that

Richard Tozier: fuck you too stan

Edward Kaspbrak: oh god

William Denbrough: we appreciate the effort Bev but if this is the squad fam chat 2.0 then we might have a problem

Richard Tozier: fuck you too billiam

Benjamin Hanscom: I think it was a great idea Bev

Michael Hanlon: I agree, but now I want to know about this “squad fam chat”

Beverly Marsh: thank you boys <33

Michael Hanlon: <3

Benjamin Hanscom: <3

Richard Tozier: ok, if were doing this, no flirting in the gc

Edward Kaspbrak: ^^^

Stanley Uris: ^^^

Beverly Marsh: fine

Richard Tozier: also we need better names

[Richard Tozier changed their name to the funny one]

the funny one: i would give everyone one but i dont want to be threatened today

[Beverly Marsh changed their name to sBEVe]

[Edward Kaspbrak changed their name to eddie]

the funny one: boring eds

eddie: ??? who???

Stanley Uris: The “no flirting in chat” rule applies to you two as well.

[Stanley Uris changed their name to Stan]

the funny one: sorry eds :(

eddie: you wish

[William Denbrough changed their name to Soft Boy #1]

Soft Boy #1: ben mike match with me

[Benjamin Hanscom changed their name to Soft Boy #2]

Soft Boy #2: i got you bill

[Michael Hanlon changed their name to Soft Boy #3]

Soft Boy #3: are we all going to ignore the squad fam chat question orrr

Soft Boy #1: it was a gc me stan eddie and richie had when it was just the four of us

Stan: There was an incident.

eddie: oh god the incident

the funny one: I swear if y’all expose me

sBEVe: y’all

Soft Boy #2: only mike is allowed to use that word smh

the funny one: my apologies benny

————————

[10:52 pm]

the funny one: I JSUD BRUSHED MY TEETT

Stan: Jsud

Stan: Teett

the funny one: ANF THEN I ATE A GRAPE

Stan: Anf

the funny one: fuck off stan I’m trying to tell a story

sBEVe: yeah stan I wanna see where this is going

the funny one: thank you beverly

the funny one: anyway, i ate this grape right

the funny one: big Mistake

Soft Boy #1: why tf you eating grapes at 11pm???

the funny one: dont question me

Soft Boy #1: fair

Stan: Go to bed, all of you.

————————

[7:03 am]

eddie: good morning to all of you except richie

Soft Boy #3: good morning y’all

Soft Boy #2: there’s my boy

Soft Boy #3: <3

eddie: good morning to you too ben

Soft Boy #2: sorry eddie

the funny one: betrayed! by my own eds!

eddie: stfu you dull pizza-cutter

Soft Boy #1: ASJSKSJSH DULL PIZZA CUTTER

[the funny one changed their name to dull pizza-cutter]

Stan: It’s too early for this.

dull pizza-cutter: aww stanny i love you too

Stan: Die.

————————

[1:26 pm]

dull pizza-cutter: fuckin henderson is on my ass again

Soft Boy #1: whatd you do this Time

dull pizza-cutter: nothing!!! i promise!!

Soft Boy #1: mhm

dull pizza-cutter: smh fake friend, stan would believe me

Stan: No, I do not.

dull pizza-cutter: :o i summoned him  
  
dull pizza-cutter: anyways, do you want to know why or not

Stan: Do we have a choice?

dull pizza-cutter: nope

dull pizza-cutter: so im sitting in class, minding my own business right

Soft Boy #3: i’m sure you weren’t but ok

dull pizza-cutter: and so im starting to zone out when this bitch fuckin calls me out for not turning in ONE assignment

dull pizza-cutter: as if i dont have the highest grade in her class

dull pizza-cutter: not only does she do that

dull pizza-cutter: but she compares me to her own fuckin CHILD

dull pizza-cutter: so im just there like ???

dull pizza-cutter: so i say

Soft Boy #1: here it comes

dull pizza-cutter: sorry i can’t be as responsible as your crackass son is with his weed deals

Soft boy #3: why are you like this

dull pizza-cutter: let me LIVE, michael  
  
dull pizza-cutter: anyways i cant hangout right after school i have detention

————————

[5:27 pm]  
**[cuties!!!]**

bevvy <3: my aunt invited you guys to dinner tonight, she really wants to meet you mike

benny <3: !!! ill be there!!

mikey <3: of course ill come!!

———

[7:45 pm]

mikey <3: just got home safe, thank your aunt for me

bevvy <3: of course, she loves you btw

benny <3: no turning back now

benny <3: you’re stuck with us mikey

mikey <3: theres no two id rather be stuck with <33

bevvy <3: <3 i love you two so much

benny <3: no words head empty but heart full <3333

mikey <3: y’all are so sweet i love you guys too

————————

**[Losers Club :)]**  
  


sBEVe: ok we have important matters to discuss

sBEVe: is everyone here

Soft Boy #2: present

Soft Boy #3: here

Soft Boy #1: sup 

Stan: Hello

dull pizza-cutter: here and queer

eddie: whatcha need

sBEVe: kindly never say that again 

eddie: noted

sBEVe: ok now that everyone is here, first order of business is inducting an official leader

Stan: I vote Bill.

Soft Boy #2: ^^^

dull pizza-cutter: ^^^

eddie: ^^^

Soft Boy #3: ^^^^

sBEVe: i guess that’s settled

Soft Boy #1: i never agreed to this

sBEVe: too bad youre doing it

sBEVe: ok moving on

sBEVe: ground rules for the chat

sBEVe: 1. only cute relationships get to flirt in chat

Stan: So, only you, Mike, and Ben can flirt.

sBEVe: you and bill can too

Stan: Fuck off.

dull pizza-cutter: i am beyond offended that you dont think eds and i are cute

sBEVe: mhm

Stan: 2. Richie is not allowed in this chat ever.

sBEVe: stan no

Soft Boy #1: be nice

Stan: Fine.

Soft Boy #1: 2. beeping richie applies to this chat

dull pizza-cutter: this is biased against me >:(

Soft Boy #2: i think we covered all the bases

Soft Boy #3: but?? there’s only two rules????

Soft Boy #2: limit pining - check. beep beep - check.

Soft Boy #3: wait actually you’re right

eddie: 3. no calling me eds 

dull pizza-cutter: i veto that

sBEVe: bill please approve this veto

Soft Boy #1: approved

eddie: >:(

sBEVe: ok thats all i needed thank you all for being here

————————

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**  
  
  


Rich: stan help 

stanny the manny: What do you need?

Rich: im so gay

stanny the manny: And?

Rich: its a problem

stanny the manny: How so? He obviously likes you back.

Rich: i didnt mention any names there staniel 

stanny the manny: You’ve been flirting with Eddie since we were 13, I’m well aware who we’re talking about.

Rich: am i that obvious

stanny the manny: Yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah they’re here and they’re trying I guess
> 
> Shout out to my irl friends for giving me material
> 
> Stay safe y’all  
> -Carson


	2. The Return of the Squad Fam Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie reforms the squad fam chat and Georgie makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I’m back again with another update. I had a few ideas of where to take this so hopefully I can remember them.
> 
> Also, Bill is exactly the type of person to send his friends soft messages in the middle of the night (aka me).

[1:38 am]

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


Soft Boy #1: it is real soft hours everyone

dull pizza-cutter: all hours are soft hours for you bill 

Soft Boy #1: youre right but you shouldnt say it

Soft Boy #1: i just want you all to know how much you all mean to me and i don’t know where id be without you

Soft Boy #1: friends forever <3

dull pizza-cutter: [thankskanyeverycool.jpg]

Soft Boy #1: thanks for ruining the soft moment rich

dull pizza-cutter: i cant handle emotions and you know it

Soft Boy #1: i do know that

Soft Boy #1: idk why im surprised

———

[9:24 am]  
  


eddie: awww we love you too bill

Stan: That was so sweet, I’m not even going to ask why you were up at 1am.

Soft Boy #1: <3 thanks

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - Billy]**   
  


Billy: i have a surprise for you

Stan the Man <3: Now I’m curious.

Billy: meet me at our spot in the barrens 

Stan the Man <3: Bill, it’s storming.

Billy: oh youre right

Billy: can i come over?

Stan the Man <3: Of course.

Billy: be right there

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


stanny the manny: Richie, I have an issue.

Rich: im honored that you came to me

Rich: but why me

stanny the manny: We’ve been friends for years and Eddie would freak out on me.

Rich: why cant you go to bill 

Rich: OH

Rich: STANIEL HAS A CRUSH ON BILLIAM

stanny the manny: Shut up and listen. He’s on his way to my house right now, and he said he “has a surprise” for me. What am I supposed to do with that?

Rich: just go with it man

stanny the manny: He’s here.

Rich: good luck

———

[11:23 am]

[Richard Tozier created a group chat]  
[Richard Tozier added Edward Kaspbrak, William Denbrough, and Stanley Uris to the chat]  
[Richard Tozier named the chat squad fam 2.0]

[Richard Tozier changed their name to trashmouth]

[trashmouth changed Edward Kaspbrak’s name to eddie spaghetti]

[trashmouth changed William Denbrough’s name to big bill]  
  
[trashmouth changed Stanley Uris’ name to staniel]

trashmouth: welcome back boys

eddie spaghetti: oh god not again

staniel: I thought we vowed to never bring this back.

trashmouth: we vowed not to bring squad fam back

trashmouth: this is squad fam 2.0

trashmouth: see the difference

big bill: is there a purpose for this

trashmouth: is staying connected to my 3 best friends not a valid reason billiam 

trashmouth: you wound me

big bill: im sorry rich

trashmouth: thank you billy

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


Rich: howd it go

stanny the manny: He made me a scrapbook and then we played uno.

Rich: so are you together or not

stanny the manny: Nope.

Rich: sorry stanny :(

———

[12:07 pm]

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  
  


Soft Boy #3: it has been awful quiet today

sBEVe: i dont trust the silence from those four

dull pizza-cutter: oh its nothing

sBEVe: now we know somethings wrong

Stan: No really, everything is ok.

dull pizza-cutter: yeah we didnt do anything

dull pizza-cutter: i remade squad fam and stan and bill went on a date

Stan: We did not do that.

sBEVe: ... ok i trust you

Soft Boy #1: hi guys!!! it’s Georgie!!!

sBEVe: georgie!!! hi!!

Stan: How are you doing, Georgie?

Soft Boy #1: i’m amazing!!! hi bev!!

dull pizza-cutter: did i hear my second favorite boy

dull pizza-cutter: wait

[dull pizza-cutter changed their name to richie]

richie: that’s better

Soft Boy #1: hi richie!!!

Soft Boy #1: wait why am i not your favorite

richie: spaghetti is my favorite, sorry g

Soft Boy #1: oh that’s fair

Soft Boy #1: i’d like my boyfriend more than me too

richie: see everyone, georgie gets it

Soft Boy #1: why is stan’s contact namejdidne 

richie: he was killed

sBEVe: rip georgie 

Stan: Forever in our hearts.

Soft Boy #1: ok i’m back

Soft Boy #1: sorry georgie took my phone

sBEVe: don’t ever apologize for him again

richie: is anyone else wondering what he was about to say

sBEVe: you have a point

Soft Boy #1: it was nothing don’t worry about it

sBEVe: mhm

richie: mhm

Soft Boy #1: are we just going to ignore the fact that georgie called eddie richie’s boyfriend and he’s not denying it

sBEVe: you have a point part 2

richie: we all know im in love with eddie lmao

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


Rich: STAN

Rich: STAN

Rich: STAN

stanny the manny: What?

Rich: I FUCKED UP IN THE GC AND I DINT KNOW HOW TO FIX IT

stanny the manny: Let me handle this.

Rich: thank you stanny <3

stanny the manny: </3

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


sBEVe: wHAT

sBEVe: YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT AND DISAPPEAR

Soft Boy #1: wait for it

Stan: I’m here to apologize for Richie, he hasn’t slept in days and is tired drunk.

Stan: He’s crying on my shoulder right now.

Soft Boy #1: dad friend stan really popped out here didn’t he

sBEVe: excuse you mike ben and i are your poly parents smh

sBEVe: speaking of which

sBEVe: I vote we all change our names

[sBEVe changed their name to mom]

[mom changed Soft Boy #2’s name to Dad]

[mom changed Soft Boy #3’s name to Papa]

mom: better

Papa: i was summoned by the power of being the dad friend

mom: good

Papa: wait,,,, i missed georgie,,,

Papa: worst day of my life

[Soft Boy #1 changed their name to billy goat]

billy goat: stan can I please change your name

Stan: .... Yes.

[billy goat changed Stan’s name to danny devito calendar]

danny devito calendar: I have regrets.

mom: shdibdshsn what the fuck

billy goat: we need eddie to tell this story 

billy goat: EDDIE

mom: EDDIE

Papa: EDDIE

richie: SPAGHETTI HEAD GET OVER HERE ITS STORY TIME

eddie: jesus christ im here

billy goat: we’re telling the danny devito calendar story

eddie: OH

eddie: a classic

billy goat: so when we were in like 7th grade eddie had this weird obsession with danny devito

eddie: it wasnt weird

richie: that was the first year we decided to have a gift exchange for the holidays

billy goat: stan got eddie 

danny devito calendar: I hate this story.

billy goat: he got eddie a normal calendar of like world landmarks or something

richie: and he printed out all these pictures of danny himself and glued them onto like the faces of statues and shit

eddie: so i open this gift thinking it’s going to be normal and i flip through the pages to see pictures of danny devito everywhere

eddie: i laughed so hard i had an asthma attack 

mom: ididbe shsusnnd stan

danny devito calendar: I’m never going to live that down, am I?

billy goat: nope

richie: nope

eddie: nope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don’t like the ending of this ew  
> It’s based on a real gift one of my friends got me
> 
> If you’re reading this I hope you have a nice day  
> -Carson


	3. Eds and Roach both have gay panics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is I again here to thank y’all for reading this cause I didn’t think anyone would and I’m honestly??? Shocked???
> 
> (e phil is eastern philosophy, which is basically history but specifically Asia)

[9:23 pm]  
  
 **[Losers Club :)]**  
  


richie: only true friends spend hours making origami with you so you don’t fail e phil 

richie: [origamiarmy.jpg]

Dad: you take e phil????

Dad: and you make origami for a grade????

richie: oh yeah its so easy

richie: highly recommend

———

**[squad fam 2.0]**   
  


trashmouth: thank you guys for making all that origami with me

trashmouth: love you sm 

big bill: anytime rich :)

staniel: It was a lot of fun.

spaghetti: tell ms v we said hi

trashmouth: can do spagheds 

spaghetti; you’re on thin fucking ice tozier

big bill: aaand moment ruined

———

[10:17 pm]  
  


**[eds <3 - roach]**   
  


eds <3: hey i think i left my geometry textbook at your house can you bring it to me tomorrow

roach: of course eds 

eds <3: fuck you

roach: of thats what you want ;)

eds <3: i just gagged on my water

roach: kinky

———

[7:35 am]  
  


**[cuties!!]**   
  


bevvy <3: good morning loves

mikey <3: good morning to my two favorite people

benny <3: i hope you both slept well <3

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


mom: wake up fuckers

mom: except mike and ben 

richie: this is favoritism smh

mom: youre still my fav son dw 

richie: thanks mom

eddie: how come he’s your favorite

eddie: he’s the worst

richie: you wound me eds 

eddie: I hate you

richie: love you too boo x

danny devito calendar: It’s too early for this.

billy goat: rt

mom: boys stop arguing

richie: yes mom

eddie: fine

billy goat: wait

billy goat: if i was elected leader doesn’t that mean i don’t have to listen to you

mom: you can do whatever you want billy

Dad: i love my independent son

Papa: they grow up so fast

billy goat: thanks dads :)

Papa: now get to class all y’all

mom: you heard your father

Papa: you too bev

mom: only because I love you

———

[11:17 am]  
  


**[eds <3 - roach]**   
  


eds <3: why are there sticky notes in my geo book

eds <3: are these your notes

roach: yeah

roach: ik you struggle in that class so I left notes to help you understand

eds <3: i fucking love you omg

roach: anytime eds

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


Rich: STAN HELP

Rich: [screenshots.jpg]  
  
Rich: WHAT DO I DO

stanny the manny: Woah, calm down.

stanny the manny: I think you handled it perfectly fine, actually.

Rich: seriously

stanny the manny: Yeah. You weren’t painfully obvious this time.

Rich: phew

———

**[eddie, a gay crisis - professional softie]**   
  


eddie, a gay crisis: BEN WHAT HAVE I DONE

eddie, a gay crisis: [screenshots.jpg]  
  


professional softie: aww that’s cute

professional softie: im proud

eddie, a gay crisis: NOT HELPING

professional softie: i think it came off as platonic enough

professional softie: especially after you two have been friends for years

professional softie: don’t you say you love each other all the time

eddie, a gay disaster: yeah but never in dms

professional disaster: i’m sure it will be fine, eddie 

eddie, a gay disaster: if you say so

———

**[cuties!!]**   
  


benny <3: [eddiefreakingoutss.jpg]

benny <3: we need to take this into our own hands 

benny <3: you already know they wont

mikey <3: imagine not being able to communicate your feelings

mikey <3: could never be us

bevvy <3: oh god those gay losers

bevvy <3: it’s literally not that hard how

benny <3: ik theyre so blind

mikey <3: tbf y’all didn’t see how obvious i was for months

bevvy <3: ok true but we have our shit together

bevvy <3: right?

mikey <3: all good here

benny <3: honestly never been better

bevvy <3: ok good

———

[3:15 pm]

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


billy goat: quarry anyone?

danny devito calendar: Bill, it’s fucking freezing out.

richie: its like 65 pussy

richie: eds and i are in

Mom: we’ll be there

billy goat: that’s six, stan?

danny devito calendar: Fine.

billy goat: thank you :)))

richie: my mom wants to know if she can make us dinner for me to take

Mom: please tell maggie i love her

Mom: and yes i love her cooking

Mom: mrs tozier is the only valid mom -mike

Mom: ben agrees

billy goat: i can’t say no to a maggie meal

richie: she says she loves you too bev 

Mom: an icon

Dad: who doesn’t honestly

Papa: ^^^

richie: ok shes asking about food allergies and shit

richie: anything I should know to tell her

richie: eddie stop typing you dont have real allergies

eddie: I feel called out

Papa: i’m trying to go vegetarian but it’s ok if not

richie: please, mikey, my mother wants to make something you’ll enjoy

richie: also call her maggie, she hates being called mrs tozier

Papa: ok then

billy goat: alright then everyone, meet at the quarry at 5, we’ll swim and have a picnic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will start with quarry antics because do you really believe that they would just leave each other’s phones alone
> 
> Again thanks for reading, any feedback is always appreciated  
> \- Carson


	4. Stan and Richie, friends for life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: people get exposed, Stan and Bill are gay, and Richie takes one for the team (the team being just Stan)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends it is I here again to supply you with more content

[6:03 pm]  
 **[Losers Club :)]**

Mom: [blurryselfieofrichie.jpg]

Mom: it is i, Beverly, here to tel you all that didiebvrjd

billy goat: [richiegetstackled.mov]

billy goat: that’s what you get for taking bev’s phone

richie: guys richie doesnt have a lock on his phone

richie: its mayhem time

richie: [37 images of the losers, all with various phrases on them]

richie: one of his albums in his photos is literally called “losers reaction images”

danny devito calendar: [eddiegettingtackled.mov]

danny devito calendar: That’s what you get for taking Richie’s phone.

richie: note to self: put a lock on this thing

———

[8:46 pm]

Papa: tell your mom the food was good richie

richie: [yessir.jpg]  
[an image of mike giving the camera a thumbs up, with the phrase “yes sir” on it]

richie: since eds exposed me ig ill start using these

eddie: not my name

eddie: also what have i done

danny devito calendar: Why is my camera roll filled with images of Mike and Ben?

Papa: you left your phone unattended

Dad: what were we supposed to do?

danny devito calendar: Leave it alone?

Papa: what kind of friends would we be if we did that

Mom: if it makes you feel any better, my camera roll is filled with richie selfies and random pictures of everyone else

Mom: [groupselfie.jpg]

Mom: i do like this one tho

richie: tag yourself im stan inhaling that sandwich

danny devito calendar: You’re dead to me.

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**

billy: is everything ok? you’re never this aggressive.

Stan the Man <3: Fine.

billy: ok now i know you’re not fine.

billy: please open up to someone, it doesn’t have to be me

Stan the Man <3: I don’t really know what’s wrong, but you checking in made me feel better.

billy: anytime <3

Stan the Man <3: <3  
———  
[10:26 pm]

**[Losers Club :)]**

Dad: i have a serious question for everyone

Dad: this will determine our friendship

Dad: what utensil do you eat mac and cheese with

billy goat: fork, i’m not a heathen

danny devito calendar: Fork

danny devito calendar: Also,

[danny devito calendar changed their name to Stan]

Stan: Better.

[richie changed Stan’s name to stanford]

richie: chopsticks

Dad: w h a t

richie: im kidding

richie: i use a fork

richie: but eds uses a spoon

eddie: this is slander

Dad: is this true

eddie: ... maybe

eddie: but i was raised like this you can’t blame me

Papa: spoon all the way my dudes

Dad: i’m breaking up with you

Papa: wait no

Dad: how dare you eat macaroni with a SPOON

Mom: it depends on the texture

Mom: kraft fork, panera spoon

Dad: you can stay but you’re on thin ice

stanford: Why does it matter?

Dad: it doesn’t but i wanted to know

stanford: Fair enough

stanford: Also, while we’re here, I’d like to publicly apologize to Richie.

stanford: I was being a dick earlier, and you didn’t deserve that, I’m sorry.

richie: aww stan its ok

richie: ik you love me deep down

richie: [imlovu.jpg]  
[an image of an angry looking stan, holding a sign edited to say “im lov u”]  
  
richie: i made that special for a situation like this

stanford: I take it back.

richie: too late you already did it

———

[9:17 am] 

Mom: sometimes i wonder why richie hasn’t changed his or eddie’s names yet, but then i realize that i don’t really care.

richie: you wound me beverly 

[richie changed their name to ricardo]  
[ricardo changed eddie’s name to eduardo]

ricardo: is this better

Mom: very, thank you

eduardo: i did not consent to this

ricardo: you love me deep down

eduardo: no i do not

ricardo: [ssofeddiesayinghelovesrichie.jpg]

ricardo: yes you do

eduardo: ...

Mom: expose him

eduardo: why are we attacking me >:(

ricardo: sorry spaghetti just proving a point

eduardo: not my name

———

[11:37 am]  
  


Mom: i hope you all realize that when we’re adults and have kids im going to be the wine aunt

ricardo: not if im already the wine uncle

eduardo: note to self; never let richie near any children

stanford: ^^^^  
  


billy goat: can i be the cool uncle

Papa: you already have cool uncle energy so yes

Dad: man, our future kids already have such interesting lives

Mom: i call hosting thanksgiving

Mom: rich and eddie can host 4th of july 

Mom: bill and stan can host the holiday celebration

eduardo: stfu

ricardo: aww eds dont you want to get married

eduardo: not to you dumbass

stanford: I don’t understand why Bill and I have been grouped but ok.

billy goat: i’m honestly Offended that you don’t want to host with me

stanford: I never said that.

stanford: I’d be honored to share a holiday with you.

billy goat: !!! awwww stan!!!

billy goat: <3

stanford: <3

ricardo: gay 

eduardo: gay

Mom: gay

Papa: gay

Dad: that’s adorable but i have to agree, gay

stanford: I hate everyone in this chat except Bill.

billy goat: no comment

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


Rich: stan your gay is showing you might want to pump the breaks

stanny the manny: I am aware.

Rich: change the subject back to eddie and i

Rich: itll distract them

stanny the manny: Thank you.

Rich: anytime

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


stanford: I think we should go back to Richie implying he wants to marry Eddie.

Mom: i see what youre doing but i agree

Mom: any comment there richie 

ricardo: who wouldnt want to marry eds

ricardo: hes adorable

eduardo: fuck off

stanford: Eddie, be nice.

eduardo: you can’t tell me what to do

Mom: eddie, be nice

billy goat: eddie, be nice

eduardo: fine

eduardo: thanks for saying that richie

eduardo: youre cute too

eduardo: when youre not being annoying

ricardo: oh its fine

ricardo: im tough i can take it

———

**[eddie, a gay crisis - professional softie]**

eddie, a gay crisis: BEN WHAT JUST HAPPENED

professional softie: I DONT KNOW BUT HE REALLY LIKES YOU

eddie, a gay crisis: I CANT HANDLE THIS

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


Rich: STAN WHAT THE FUVK

Rich: DID YOU SEE THAT

Rich: HE JUSY CALLED ME CUTE W H A T

stanny the manny: Calm down.

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


stanford: gay

billy goat: gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a mess to write cause I had no idea where that was going.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated, maybe leave a comment?? You don’t have to.
> 
> Remember to drink water,  
> \- Carson


	5. Scheming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: a lot of scheming and the return of Georgie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m just here to have a good time and supply content.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and (hopefully) enjoying this. It has been so fun to write and I’m really glad people seem to be enjoying it.

[11:50 am]

**[cuties!!]**   
  


bevvy <3: we all just saw what went down right

mikey <3: how can someone be so obvious yet so oblivious

bevvy <3: idk but we have to help them, obviously

bevvy <3: ben wya we’re scheming

benny <3: sorry i’m late eddie was panic texting me

bevvy <3: oh spill

benny <3: [eddiepanics.jpg]

mikey <3: he really is stupid

bevvy <3: ok, if we’re going to help these messes we need a plan

benny <3: i think bill and stan will get there eventually, they just need a push

benny <3: richie and eddie are a different story

mikey <3: we could probably get stan and bill with a dumb game of truth or dare or just get one of them to man up and confess

benny <3: i vote we bully stan into confessing

benny <3: bill is too soft

bevvy <3: i second that

bevvy <3: as for reddie over there

benny <3: very clever ship name

mikey <3: agreed

bevvy <3: thank you, i try

bevvy <3: anyways

bevvy <3: eddie is blind and rich is a coward so that could be a problem

mikey <3: maybe we ask stan and bill? they’ve know them forever.

bevvy <3: good idea

———

**[bev - mike - ben - stan - bill]**   
  


bev: hey nerds

bev: any ideas on getting eddie and richie together?

bill: we’ve been trying for literal years

stan: Yeah, we have a few ideas.

bill: we do?

stan: Yes, plans 16-42.

bill: oh yeah i forgot about those

mike: you have 42 different plans

bill: we have a lot of time to think about this

stan: I recommend we take the Eddie angle, Richie’s never going to admit.

bev: that’s what i was thinking.

ben: we could get richie to say something a bit too flirty again and have eddie confront him about it

stan: Ah yes, plan 37.

bill: not too difficult on the richie end, but convincing eddie to confront him might be an issue.

bev: you make a good point, but at least we have a start

bev: meeting adjourned.

———

[3:17 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


ricardo: hey what city are we moving to

eduardo: ny??

Mom: too close

stanford: Atlanta?

Mom: too southern and possibly queerphobic

stanford: Fair.

billy goat: portland?

ricardo: too north

ricardo: i hate the cold

Papa: somewhere in florida??

Mom: again, too southern.

Dad: how about LA?

Mom: does that check all our boxes

billy goat: it’s pretty much as far as you can get from maine, it’s not in the south, but it’s hot, and accepting

stanford: But, it’s really expensive.

Dad; we could move to the suburbs and/or start a group house fund

Dad: at least until we’re all out of college

ricardo: i love this plan

stanford: If we’re all in agreement, we can open a bank account as soon as tomorrow.

billy goat: if you like this plan, please say i

billy goat: i 

Dad: i 

Papa: i 

ricardo: i

Mom: i

standford: I

ricardo: so eds, you in?

eduardo: you know i love you guys but do you really think we can do this

billy goat: of course we can eddie

Mom: it’ll be an adventure

stanford: You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but I firmly believe that the seven of us could do anything together and we’d be fine.

billy goat: ^^^  
  
Mom: ^^^^

ricardo: took the words right out of my mouth staniel

eduardo: you guys really know how to convince a guy

eduardo: im in.

ricardo: hell yes!!! the losers are getting a house!!!

stanford: After Highschool, that is.

stanford: We can meet at my house tomorrow and go open our bank account.

———

[6:57 pm]  
  


billy goat: georgie wants you all to know he misses you

ricardo: give georgie your phone i want to talk to him

billy goat: he almost exposed me last time no way

Papa: give georgie the phone, bill.

Dad: you heard your father

Mom: yeah

billy goat: fine

billy goat: hi everyone!!! its georgie again!!!!

stanford: Hi Georgie!

ricardo: what’s up g

eduardo: my favorite little boy is back

Mom: hey georgie, its bev!

Papa: hey kiddo, it’s mike

Dad: georgie!!! this is ben

billy goat: i missed you guys so much

billy goat: why dont you come over anymore

stanford: I’m sorry, Georgie. I’ll come over soon.

Mom: we all will

billy goat: you promise

stanford: Promise.

billy goat: ok!! billy says he loves you stanny

ricardo: oh does he

billy goat: yeah!! he talks about you a whole lot

Mom: georgie, does bill know you’re saying this about him?

billy goat: nope

Mom: ok, please continue

billy goat: billy really loves you all a lot

billy goat: but he talks about stanny the most

billy goat: he says herhduduhrjdidnr 

Mom: BILL GOBE GEORGIE THE PHONE BACK

ricardo: RIP GEORGIE HE WILL BE MISSED

Papa: aww it was just getting good

billy goat: I THINK WEVE ALL HAD ENOUGH GEORGIE FOR TODAY

ricardo: couldnt handle him exposing you billiam 

billy goat: I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT

billy goat: I LOVE YOU ALL NO ROMO

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**   
  


billy: Stan, i’m so sorry about georgie

Stan the Man <3: It’s ok Bill. Kids say dumb things sometimes.

billy: i know i just feel bad

Stan the Man <3: Don’t worry about it.

billy: ok

billy: love you no homo

Stan the Man <3: I love you too, no homo.

billy: <3

Stan the Man <3: <3

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


Rich: hey

Rich: you ok

Rich: you stopped responding

stanny the manny: [nohomoscreenshots.jpg]

stanny the manny: What do I do with this?

Rich: oh shit

Rich: im still like 99% sure he likes you

stanny the manny: Rich, he literally no homo’d me.

stanny the manny: He’s never done that before.

Rich: shit

———

**[leader of the pack - cowboy]**   
  


leader of the pack: hey mike

leader of the pack: [nohomoscreenshots.jpg]

leader of the pack: what do i do

cowboy: idk what you mean

cowboy: your friendship is still intact

leader of the pack: i like him mike

leader of the pack: and i went and fucked it up

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


eduardo: i put my phone down for 10 minutes and this happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels really short and I kind of hate it. I know the whole Georgie exposes Bill idea has been done before but I love it so it’s fine. Oh boy I wonder what happens next
> 
> Thank you again for reading. Leave a comment maybe?  
> \- Carson


	6. Emo boy hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: sad boy Stanley, Bill fucked up, and joint banking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a good way through writing this and I was really happy with it but then I lost it all and I’m mad about it.
> 
> Anyways here’s me trying to dig myself out of the hole I put myself in last chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoy
> 
> (Also: Stan can play both guitar and ukulele in this but mainly plays guitar)

[7:05 pm]  
  


**[leader of the pack - cowboy]**  
  


cowboy: wait what

cowboy: you like stan??

leader of the pack: don’t pretend you didn’t already know

cowboy: fine

cowboy: im sure stan is freaking out to someone else right now

leader of the pack: that doesn’t help

leader of the pack: i no homo’d him

leader of the pack: i’ve never done that before

cowboy: well why’d you do that

leader of the pack: I panicked

cowboy: i think what you need is to calm down

cowboy: the damage is already done and doing more now won’t help

leader of the pack: you’re probably right

leader of the pack: i’m going for a walk

leader of the pack: i’ll text you when i get back

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**  
  


Rich: bill is being a little bitch and you need to get your mind off him

Rich: if you calm down youll handle this better

stanny the manny: True.

stanny the manny: Can you come over?

Rich: of course

———

[9:32 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**  
  


ricardo: [stansingsasadsongonuke.jpg]

ricardo: its real emo stan hours

eduardo: is he ok???

ricardo: yeah hes just a little emo

ricardo: he says you can join if you want

ricardo: “specifically eddie, i dont want anyone else seeing me like this face to face”

eduardo: im knocking right now

Mom: my three favorite sons all hanging out

Papa: pure

Dad: stay out of trouble you three

ricardo: dont you worry

ricardo: eds here will keep us in line

stanford: [eddiehittingrichie.mov]

Mom: tag yourself im stan losing his shit off camera

Papa: im richies glasses flying off his face

Dad: i’m the chip bag in the background

eduardo: [richieandstansingaduet.mov]

eduardo: wham is shaking in their boots

Mom: name a more iconic duo ill wait

———

**[leader of the pack - cowboy]**  
  


[7:46 pm] leader of the pack: back from my walk

—

cowboy: im going to assume you saw the gc

leader of the pack: mike i feel terrible

leader of the pack: he only plays uke anymore when he’s sad

leader of the pack: what do i do

cowboy: just give him some time

cowboy: he will come when hes ready

leader of the pack: that’s probably best

———

[1:17 am]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**  
  


eduardo: [stanandrichiesleeping.jpg]

Mom: babies!!!

eduardo: do you know how long this took me to do

Mom: thank you for taking care of them eddie

eduardo: dont tell richie but id die for them in a heartbeat

Mom: me too eddie

eduardo: anyways im going to go get in on the cuddling action

eduardo: goodnight bev

Mom: night

———

[8:42 am]  
  


ricardo: AWW EDS ID DIE FOR YOU TOO

stanford: ^^^

eduardo: its too early for your sappy shit

Papa: y’all had quite the night, everything good?

stanford: Yeah, I’m feeling much less emo now.

ricardo: aww staniel i love you too

ricardo: and yeah were all good here

ricardo: [eddiethumbsup.jpg]

ricardo: spaghetti is good too

stanford: When is everyone going to be here so we can go to the bank?

Papa: does 1 work?

stanford: works for me

Papa: ill make sure bev and ben get there

billy goat: 1 works for me too

stanford: Awesome! See everyone then!

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - Bill]**  
  


Bill: i just wanted to apologize again for yesterday

Stan the Man <3: Bill, I already told you, it’s really ok.

Bill: i know i just feel so bad

Bill: i really don’t want to lose you

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**

stanny the manny: I don’t think this whole “getting over him” thing is going to work.

Rich: why are we texting were in the same room

stanny the manny: Eddie

Rich: oh right

Rich: now what do you mean

stanny the manny: [screenshots.jpg]

Rich: that could be a problem

stanny the manny: He’s getting suspicious one moment.

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - Bill]**  
  


Bill: stan??

Bill: you there???

Bill: i’m sorry if i said something wrong

Stan the Man <3: No, you’re ok.

Stan the Man <3: Richie was doing dumb shit again and I had to stop him.

Bill: oh ok

Bill: so we’re good?

Stan the Man <3: Of course we’re good.

Bill: ok good

Bill: love you <3

Stan the Man <3: I love you too.

———

**[leader of the pack - cowboy]**  
  


leader of the pack: I REALLY FUCKED UP BIGTIME DIDNT I

leader of the pack: [screenshots.jpg]

cowboy: i dont see the problem???

leader of the pack: he didn’t send a heart back

leader of the pack: he always sends a heart back

cowboy: at least he isnt mad

cowboy: im positive hes feeling very conflicted right now, you should cut him some slack.

leader of the pack: i know

leader of the pack: I just feel bad yknow

cowboy: yeah

———

**[cuties!!]**  
  


mikey <3: [convoswithbill.jpg]

mikey <3: we might need to reconsider our plan

bevvy <3: oh shit

benny <3: we need backup

———

**[ben - bev - mike - richie]**  
  


[ben named the chat bill and stan need to get their shit together]  
  


ben: richie we need your help

richie: finally someone is putting my talents to good use

bev: you realize what this is right

richie: duh

richie: those two have been dancing around each other since they met

richie: im also aware that eddie has a big mouth and not a lot of filter so he cant be in on this

bev: good because we have a lot of problems

mike: [convoswithbill.jpg]

richie: hold on i have the other side of those

richie: [convoswithstan.jpg]

bev: so stan is still into him

richie: yeah but he thinks bill only likes him as a friends

mike: so how do we fix that

ben: we get bill to confess?

bev: thats probably our best bet

richie: billiam is a coward

richie: you couldnt get him to confess if you paid him

richie: stan needs to do it

bev: but how do we do that

mike: thats the issue

ben: i think we should just lay off for now

ben: maybe let things go back to normal

bev: good idea  
———

[12:56 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**  
  


ricardo: GET OVER HERE EVERYONE

ricardo: ITS BANK TIME

Papa: we’re on our way -ben 

Papa: GET READY LOSERS -bev

billy goat: i’m turning the corner now

eduardo: no texting and driving!!!

billy goat: i’m walking dw

———

[2:30 pm]

stanford: [smilinglosers.jpg]

stanford: We officially have a house fund started!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got really angsty I’m sorry
> 
> Thank you all for reading
> 
> Also can someone tell me why of all musical duos to reference I chose wham
> 
> Have a nice day  
> \- Carson


	7. Soft time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m making this chapter fluffy and filler because I can  
> Please enjoy,
> 
> (Also this is the seventh chapter which means I’ve been doing this for a week and that’s longer than I expected)

[3:05 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


billy goat: [corefour+georgieplayinguno.jpg]

Mom: my boys!!!

Dad: i’m not crying you are

Papa: what softies

Mom: [bevbenmikeeatingicecream.jpg]

stanford: Ah yes, the only valid relationship.

eduardo: i love my parents

ricardo: ice cream is the best way to a mans heart

ricardo: i would know

eduardo: stfu that was ONE TIME

ricardo: oh but eds

ricardo: you stole my heart that day

eduardo: beep beep

billy goat: georgie thinks you guys are cute

billy goat: so do i

Dad: the love i feel in this chili’s tonight

Papa: keep going youre making him soft

stanford: We will always love and support you three. You always support us, it’s the least we could do.

eduardo: you guys are genuinely better parental figures than my mother

ricardo: the most iconic trio

Dad: !!!

Papa: [softben.jpg]

Papa: soft ben achieved!

stanford: Soft Stan also achieved, honestly.

ricardo: is it paragraph time?

stanford: Yes.

Mom: ??? paragraph time???

ricardo: stan writes paragraphs about how much he loves us when hes soft

eduardo: its rare but its worth it

billy goat: oh yes my favorite boy is writing a paragraph i’m so exited

ricardo: gay

eduardo: beep beep

stanford: I love you all so much. You have all been the best people in my life and I don’t know where I’d be without you. You have always been there for me whenever I needed anything, and I can’t express my gratitude for that. You have all helped me in such small but meaningful ways, and I know it seems like I don’t notice but I do. Thank you all so much for being the best friends I could ask for.

billy goat: stan i unironically love you

ricardo: id say gay but honestly same

eduardo: i want you to know that that feeling goes both ways

stanford: <3

Mom: stan im genuinely crying that’s so sweet i love you too

Papa: we all love you so much stan

Dad: !!! stan you’re so special and perfect and i love you too!!!

stanford: <3

billy goat: i just want you all to know that stan owns my entire soul and could step on me and i’d thank him

stanford: Bill, you’re so sweet. I love you.

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


stanny the manny: I’m abandoning the plan and falling even more in love with him.

Rich: thats valid

Rich: he seems to love you too

stanny the manny: Shut your mouth.

Rich: what??? its the truth!!

———

**[stan and bill need to get their shit together]**   
  


richie: [screenshots.jpg]

richie: we have progress!

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


eduardo: stan being soft makes me soft

eduardo: so i want you all to know that you’re all like family to me

eduardo: ik we joke about being a family a lot but i genuinely think of you as my family

Mom: soft eddie!!!

Mom: i think i speak for everyone when i say that we think of you as family too

ricardo: of course eds, im basically your step-dad at this point

eduardo: fuck off asshat

billy goat: aaaaand you ruined it

Dad: !!!!! i love you all so much!!!!

Papa: you guys seriously turned my life around, thank you so much

Mom: ^^

Dad: ^^^

stanford: ^^^^

billy goat: ^^^^^

eduardo: ^^^^^^^

ricardo: ^^^^^^^^^

billy goat: you guys got me through the hardest parts of my life, i can’t thank you enough

Mom: you guys were the only ones to not believe the things people say about me, and the first ones to actually offer me a place

Mom: and it really means a lot to me

ricardo: wait does this mean its my turn

stanford: Yes.

ricardo: do i have to

billy goat: yes.

ricardo: ugh fine

ricardo: i know im really annoying and also an asshole but i love you guys

ricardo: and i never show my feelings to people but i want you all to know

ricardo: that day in kindergarten when i met bill stan and eddie was probably the best day of my life because it led me to this point right now

ricardo: you guys make this town suck less

Mom: aww rich we love you too

Papa: y’all met in kindergarten?

eduardo: thats your take away from this

Papa: i thought it went unsaid that thats the sweetest hes ever been and i love him

ricardo: ,,,, thanks,,,

Dad: wait now that mike brought it up i want to know how you four met

ricardo: one moment

ricardo: EDS BILL STAN ITS STORYTIME

ricardo: while were waiting for those three ill tell you my side

ricardo: so it was the first day of kindergarten

ricardo: and i, being a small glasses-wearing child, had no friends

ricardo: so i decided to befriend this other lonely kid named stan

ricardo: and that’s as far as I can go without the other guys

stanford: Don’t try to shout again, we’re all here.

stanford: I guess it’s my turn.

stanford: As a kindergartner, I also had no friends, and was too shy to talk to anyone. So when this scrappy-looking kid approached me, I was a bit nervous.

stanford: But that quickly changed, because the first thing he said to me was,

ricardo: “i like the bird on your shirt, it reminds me of the nest outside my window”

stanford: And from that day forward, Richie Tozier was my best friend.

stanford: Alright, Bill and Eddie, it’s your turn.

eduardo: so my mother drops me off right

eduardo: and this lanky looking kid walks up to me and says

billy goat: “h-hi, i’m bill”

eduardo: and he held out his hand for me to shake so i said

eduardo: “when was the last time you washed that thing”

eduardo: and didnt shake his hand

billy goat: meanwhile, i was just trying to make a friend and this kid just insulted me to my face

billy goat: needless to say, i was confused.

billy goat: so we sat down at this table so we had a spot when the day started

eduardo: when suddenly, two other kids walk up to the table

ricardo: stanny suggested we sit down, so i led him to a table that already had two kids at it

stanford: And Richie, ever the gentleman, said

ricardo: “can we sit here with you nerds”

stanford: And that was the first time I hit Richie.

billy goat: so eddie decided to say

eduardo: “says the one with glasses, also only people with their rabies shot can sit here”

billy goat: so richie and stan sat with us

ricardo: and the rest is history

Mom: have you practiced that?

billy goat: we’ve been waiting for you to ask since we met you guys

Papa: that explains a lot

Dad: that’s also adorable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop this feels kinda short but it’s ok.  
> I was feeling sad so I decided to write some happy to make up for it. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed,  
> \- Carson


	8. In this House, we love and appreciate Bill Denbrough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where this story is going but I’m like 99% sure reddie will be within the next few chapters

[4:20 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**  
  


ricardo: blaze it bitches

ricardo: also my mother told me to tell you all that she misses you and wants you to come over

eduardo: anything to get away from my mom

ricardo: mi casa es tu casa eds 

eduardo: nevermind ill stay

ricardo: aw fuck

ricardo: i cant believe youve done this

———

[5:35 pm]  
  


**[cuties!!]**  
  


bevvy <3: thanks for the ice cream boys, miss you already <3

mikey <3: miss you more <3

benny <3: anytime bev, miss you both most <3

———

[9:36 pm]  
  


**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**  
  


billy: hey, i know it’s sunday night so you’re going to bed early but i wanted to say thank you for always being there for me through everything. you’re a really great guy.

Stan the Man <3: You don’t have to say all that about me, Bill.

billy: i’m not just saying that, i genuinely love and care about you.

Stan the Man <3: Oh

Stan the Man <3: Well, I love you too.

Stan the Man <3: Now get to bed, you need sleep so you’re not grumpy tomorrow.

billy: yes sir

Stan the Man <3: <3

billy: <3

———

[monday, 7:00 am]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**  
  


stanford: Rise and shine, losers.

Mom: stan, you know i love you, but why the Fuck are you texting at the asscrack of dawn

stanford: 1. It’s not the “asscrack of dawn,” it’s 7 am.

stanford: 2. I want to make sure you all wake up on time.

ricardo: nvm i regret talking to you in kindergarten

stanford: No you don’t, Richard.

ricardo: youre right but you shouldn’t say it

stanford: Anyways, is everyone up?

Mom: i am

ricardo: yup

billy goat: good morning :)

eduardo: kindly fuck off

ricardo: aww eds dont say that

eduardo: it’s too early for your shit

Papa: good morning my beautiful girlfriend, amazing boyfriend, and four best friends 

Dad: gm guys!!

stanford: Good Morning, everyone, it’s nice to hear from you all

stanford: I’ll see you all at school.

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**  
  


billy: are you ok? you never wake us up.

Stan the Man <3: I had a nightmare, so I wanted to make sure everyone was ok. It’s nothing to worry about.

billy: ok, but you know you can always talk to me right

Stan the Man <3: Of course <3

billy: <3

———

[1:25 pm] 

Papa: i just got??? asked out???

Mom: whos trying to take my man ill fight them

Dad: what did you say?

Papa: i told her i wasn’t interested in anyone

Papa: i don’t want to date anyone but you two

Mom: we love you too but you never answered the question

Mom: who is this bitch im going to square up

Papa: it was just that girl gina 

Papa: please dont fight her she means well

Papa: im not worth it

Dad: usually i’m very anti violence but i’m about to fight whoever told you you’re not worth it

Mom: ^^^

stanford: Bev, you’re the opposite of anti-violence.

ricardo: you blew our cover staniel 

Papa: have y’all been here the whole time

ricardo: yeah stan eds and i are all in hutchinson rn

Dad: and she hasn’t taken any of your phones

eduardo: nope

eduardo: also

stanford: “Don’t call me that.”

Mom: dont call me that!!!1!!

eduardo: dont call me that

eduardo: oh i see how it is

Mom: sorry eddie you’re predictable

ricardo: dont worry eddie my love

ricardo: i still love you

eduardo: stfu i hate you

ricardo: oof that shit hurted

Mom: be nice to him!!!

eduardo: fine

eduardo: im sorry rich

ricardo: its ok eds

eduardo: im letting that slide because i was being mean

———

[3:16 pm]  
  


billy goat: holy shit what did i miss

billy goat: ok i backread

billy goat: mike don’t be mean to yourself >:(

Papa: yes sir

Dad: ok wait

Dad: why do you listen to bill and not us

Papa: bill was elected leader it would be a crime not to listen to him

Dad: ok valid

stanford: Also, Unspoken Rule #1 of this chat is “always love and respect Bill Denbrough” and that includes listening to him.

billy goat: stan no-

stanford: Stan, yes.

Papa: he has a point

Dad: ^^

billy goat: shdidbsgsi guys

stanford: I’d insult that keysmash but it would be a crime.

billy goat: i never agreed to this

Papa: too bad

Dad: in this house we love and support bill denbrough 

billy goat: i can’t believe I have to die for all of you

stanford: Please don’t.

billy goat: too bad, it has to happen

stanford: Bill no

billy goat: fine

———

[11:16 pm]  
  


ricardo: do you ever just

ricardo: listen to please never fall in love again on repeat and cry

ricardo: cause its very therapeutic

Papa: are you ok?

ricardo: no but its good

———

**[farm boy - trash man]**  
  


farm boy: whats wrong

farm boy: im not going to leave you alone until you tell me

trash man: im just emo about eddie

farm boy: oh

trash man: yeah

farm boy: you need to rant?

trash man: are you sure

trash man: i have a Lot of emotions

farm boy: go ahead

trash man: ok

trash man: its just,,

trash man: ive liked him since we were really little and he very obviously doesnt like me back

trash man: it just hurts to think about

trash man: i only want him to be happy

trash man: and he wont be with me

trash man: because im a loudmouth asshole that uses jokes to cope with my emotions

trash man: and i know hell find someone one day and it wont be me

trash man: and it hurts to think about

trash man: because i think im in love with him

farm boy: wow that is a lot 

farm boy: rich its good to want the best for him, but dont forget about yourself

farm boy: you deserve to be happy too

farm boy: and, for what its worth, i think you two would be a very good and happy couple

trash man: thanks mikey

farm boy: anytime dude

trash man: ok im going to stop being emo and try to get some sleep

farm boy: me too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops I made it angsty
> 
> The Richie thing at the end may or may not be based on true events but it’s ok
> 
> Remember to stay hydrated  
> \- Carson


	9. ~~flashback~~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi this chapter is a flashback to like 4 moths before this takes place because I wanted to do a flashback of how Bev and Ben and Mike get together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this early because I have family issues going on rn and I might not be able to post later, hopefully tomorrow.

[4 months ago]  
  


**[january embers - benny boo]**  
  


benny boo: i have something to tell you

january embers: me too

benny boo: can we do this over text? it will be easier for me at least

january embers: of course

benny boo: ok so basically

benny boo: i think im polyamorous and i like mike

january embers: is this a joke

benny boo: i’m sorry

january embers: dont be!!! i wanted to tell you the same thing!!

benny boo: wait really

january embers: yeah

benny boo: omg babe i love you

january embers: i love you too benny boo

january embers: me: im bi but i lean towards girls

also me: falls for two guys

benny boo: me: im the only straight in the losers club

also me: falls for both a girl and a guy

january embers: man we really are two queer idiots aren’t we

benny boo: we really are

———

**[leader of the pack - cowboy]**  
  


cowboy: bill i have a problem

leader of the pack: what’s up

cowboy: im currently crushing on both bev and ben and theyre dating and idk what to do

leader of the pack: oh boy this could be an issue

cowboy: im aware!!!

leader to the pack: just hear me out here

leader of the pack: what if you just told them

cowboy: have you lost your mind

leader of the pack: best case scenario: you get a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time

leader of the pack: worst case scenario: they let you down easy and you move on

cowboy: you have a point

cowboy: ok im going to do it

leader of the pack: now???

cowboy: yes

leader of the pack: good luck

———

**[mike - ben - bev]**  
  


mike: i have to talk to you two

bev: ok, we’re all ears

mike: i think i like both of you

mike: like more than friends.

———

**[january embers - benny boo]**  
  


january embers: its happening

january embers: what do we do????

benny boo: let me handle this

———

**[mike - ben - bev]**  
  


mike: guys??

mike: im sorry if i made things weird

ben: you didn’t make things weird

ben: bev was just freaking out over dm because we both just confessed to each other that we like you too

bev: wow

bev: you don’t have to expose me like that

mike: wait wait wait

mike: you guys like me back

bev: yeah

ben: what we’re trying to say here is

ben: mike, would you be our boyfriend

mike: like??? both of you???

bev: yeah, is that ok??

mike: thats more than ok

mike: id love to

bev: this is amazing omg

mike: you guys can come over if you want, we could play board games or something

bev: that would be great

ben: i’m omw to pick up bev rn

———

[later]  
  


_[bev named the chat cuties!!]_  
  


_[bev changed ben’s name to benny <3]_  
_[bev changed mike’s name to mikey <3][mikey <3 changed bev’s name to bevvy <3]_

mikey <3: there, we all match

bevvy <3: dating you is the best decision ben and i have ever made

mikey <3: you guys are so sweet aww

———

**[leader of the pack - cowboy]**  
  


cowboy: bill!!! i did it and it went well!!!

leader of the pack: yay??

cowboy: they asked me to be their boyfriend and then they came over to play board games and it was a lot of fun

leader do the pack: that’s amazing man

leader of the pack: very proud of you

cowboy: thanks bill

———

**[cuties!!]**  
  


benny <3: not to ruin the moment but how are we going to tell everyone else

bevvy <3: i say we walk into school holding hands with mikey in the middle

benny <3: that’s a great idea

mikey <3: i really like that

————————

The next day, Bev, Ben, and Mike met outside the school entrance to put their plan into action. They walked in together and linked hands as they approached the spot where the rest of the losers were standing.

“Boys, Ben and I have an announcement to make,” Bev started, gaining the attention of Eddie, Stan, and Bill.

”-and then I was like— hey—“ Stan elbowed Richie in the gut.

”Shit up for once in your life and listen to Bev, please” Stan chided. Richie turned to face them.

”Ben and I have mutually agreed to both date Mike” Bev started, “so we are no longer benverly,”

Dramatic pause.

”we are benverlon” she finished.

”Cong-grats guys” Bill smiled.

”Welcome to the gay side, Haystack” Richie added. Stan simply gave them a thumbs up, and Eddie gave them all hugs.

 _That went better than expected,_ Mike thought, _I don’t know why I was so worried._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah here’s just a short little thing cause I wanted to show them getting together
> 
> Stay cool  
> \- Carson
> 
> (also I made up benverlon on the spot so if it’s not the actual ship name that’s too bad I like it and I’m using it)


	10. Bird time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: bird times, Richie being Richie, and Eddie having another gay panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry if this is short, I didn’t have much time to write today and I don’t have a head start on this chapter like I usually do so it might be really bad.

[tuesday, 8:34 am]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


billy goat: !!! heads up!!! there’s a bio quiz today

eduardo: bill is really out here saving all our asses

ricardo: imagine not being good at bio

ricardo: could never be me

eduardo: we get it, youre smart

ricardo: but fr thanks for the heads up bill

billy goat: i’m just out here looking out for my friends

———

[12:45 pm]  
  


Papa <3: y’all want to come over after school to see the ducks

eduardo: yES

ricardo: to everyone who isn’t in our lunch: eddie saw that text and screamed

eduardo: you really had to expose me like that huh

ricardo: you know i love you

ricardo: also im in

standford: I’ll drive like 3 of you.

billy goat: i’ll take any opportunity to see the ducks

billy goat: also i have shotgun in stan’s car

eduardo: you always have shotgun :(

stanford: We did agree that Bill could have permanent shotgun in my car in like 7th grade.

eduardo: that doesnt apply anymore

stanford: Why wouldn’t it?

eduardo: we were like 12??

eduardo: and we decided i had shotgun in richies car

eduardo: and we all know hes not getting a car anytime soon

ricardo: wow rude

ricardo: just for that im agreeing with mr prius

stanford: You don’t have to insult Martha like that.

Papa: whos martha????

billy goat: stan named his car martha the day he got it

stanford: Excuse you, I named her Martha in fifth grade.

ricardo: yeah billothy get your stan lore right

eduardo: please don’t refer to it as “stan lore” ever again

stanford: I disagree with Eddie. Please only refer to my past as “Stan lore” from now on.

ricardo: its nice to know someone in this family appreciates me

stanford: Don’t push it.

ricardo: its nice to know someone in this family tolerated me occasionally

stanford: Better.

———

[1:20 pm]  
  


Mom: oooh i wanna see the ducks

Dad: count us in

Dad: i’ll drive bev, mike and richie when he inevitably gets kicked out of stan’s car

ricardo: im offended

stanford: The man has a point.

———

[3:30 pm]  
  


ricardo: [richieandeddieinthebackofmartha.jpg]

ricardo: look who didn’t get kicked out

billy goat: for everyone else in the chat: “It’s not too late for me to kick you to Ben’s car”

Mom: lmao 

Mom: we already left

billy goat: “Then he can walk”

eduardo: “YOU WOULDNT DARE”

billy goat: “is that a challenge?”

eduardo: “bet,, you won’t”

eduardo: STAN IS PULLING OVER

billy goat: “fine, walk”

eduardo: “PLEASE NO I TAKE IT BACK”

billy goat: “are you going to behave?”

eduardo: “ugh fine”

eduardo: idk how either of us are typing we’re both wheezing messes

bily goat: autocorrect is a lifesaver

ricardo: damn eds you really exposed me here

billy goat: “don’t call me eds”

billy goat: EDDIE NO

Mom: what’s happening

billy goat: rich is probably still going to have a red hand mark on his face when we get there

eduardo: thats what he gets for making stan pull over and then calling me that stupid name

Papa: we cant leave you four alone for a second can we

Papa: how did y’all survive without us

billy goat: “i didn’t” -stan

billy goat: he’s not wrong

billy goat: ok we’re like 2 min away

Mom: took you long enough

———

[4:17 pm]

billy goat: [stanandtheducks.jpg]

billy goat: bird king

Mom: [eddierichieandbenwiththeducks.jpg] 

Mom: bird princes

ricardo: [billwithaduckonhishead.jpg]

ricardo: bird queen

stanford: Do you want to fucking die?

———

[5:37 pm]  
  


Papa: gramps says thanks for coming guys

Dad: aww tell gramps it was nice to see him

Mom: tell him i miss his stories

billy goat: tell him thanks for having us

Papa: he says it was nice to see you too, ben, he misses telling stories, bev, and anytime, bill

ricardo: mikes grandpa is so wholesome i love him

Papa: he loves you too, rich

ricardo: my life is complete

———

[7:34 pm]  
  


stanford: Would you all like to see some of the pictures I got birdwatching today?

billy goat: of course

Mom: yes please

ricardo: only because your bird pictures are fantastic meme material

stanford: [birdpictures.jpg]

billy goat: majestic

billy goat: i’m going to draw all of them

Mom: i stan one (1) talented photographer bird boy

ricardo: no meme these are really impressive

stanford: Thanks guys.

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**   
  


billy: you didn’t tell me you were birdwatching tonight

billy: you know i would’ve come

Stan the Man <3: My dad made me go with him. I wasn’t planning on it.

Stan the Man <3: And you know he hates it when people intrude on “father-son bonding time”

billy: oh ok

Stan the Man <3: You can come next time, I promise

billy: sounds good

———

[9:42 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**

ricardo: GUYS I DID IT

eduardo: what

ricardo: [spidermanpointingmemebutitsrichie.jpg]

eduardo: holy shit that actually looks great

ricardo: this is my greatest work of all time

ricardo: i will never create anything better than the masterpiece that is me doing the spiderman pointing meme

eduardo: please let me use that for everything now

ricardo: only because you asked nicely

———

**[eddie, a gay crisis - professional softie]**   
  


eddie, a gay crisis: ben help

professional softie: just go ahead and rant

eddie, a gay crisis: hes so!!! fucking!!! cute!!!!

eddie, a gay crisis: and talented and smart and funny and

eddie, a gay crisis: and hes always there when i need him 

eddie, a gay crisis: ben i think im in love with richie tozier

professional softie: you should tell him

eddie, a gay crisis: w h a t

professional softie: tell him!!!

professional softie: have you seen the way he treats you

professional softie: anyone with eyes can see that he’s head over heels for you

eddie, a gay crisis: do you really think so

professional softie: i know so

professional softie: so you should just do it

eddie, a gay crisis: what if he doesn’t feel the same

professional softie: he does, trust me

eddie, a gay crisis: are you sure

professional softie: 100% positive

eddie, a gay crisis: ok ill do it tomorrow

professional softie: you got this

professional softie: just be upfront and honest

eddie, a gay crisis: i can do this

———

**[cuties!!]**   
  


benny <3: [eddiescreenshots.jpg]

benny <3: you’re both welcome

bevvy <3: ben i love you

mikey <3: idk how you did it but im forever grateful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter, it was a lot of fun to write
> 
> Also, Stan and Ben are the best drivers and that’s a fact, along with the fact that Stan drives a Prius named Martha
> 
> Remember to eat a vegetable,  
> \- Carson
> 
> (I know I don’t respond to comments that often but just know I do see them and I love and appreciate every person that comments)


	11. Maggie Tozier is Best Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: a lot of reddie, and Maggie being the cool parent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 10 chapters of buildup, finally, reddie. You’ll have to wait a bit longer for stenbrough so I’m sorry.

[wednesday, 7:45 am]  
  


**[eddie, a gay crisis - professional softie]**   
  


eddie, a gay crisis: todays the day

eddie, a gay crisis: im gonna do it

professional softie: yes you are

professional softie: i’m not letting you chicken out i can’t handle the pining

eddie, a gay crisis: listen here,,,

eddie, a gay crisis: you have a point but i dont like it

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


eduardo: wake up bitches we have a big day head of us

billy goat: no??? we don’t???

stanford: What are you planning?

eduardo: idk what you mean

ricardo: can we not text this early in the morning

ricardo: my brain isnt functioning enough to be funny

stanford: Then your brain must never be functioning enough.

ricardo: i thought we were friends, stanthony

stanford: You thought wrong, Richard.

Dad: please, it’s too early for anyone to bicker with richie

billy goat: no offense stan but ^^^^

stanford: Fair enough.

Mom: can everyone please stop waking me up at god awful hours

stanford: It is 7:50 on a Wednesday, school starts in like 20 minutes.

Mom: and?

eduardo: ^^^^

billy goat: you were the one to text first

eduardo: and?

stanford: It’s not even 8 am and I’m already done with you all.

billy goat: ^^^  
  


———

[12:30 pm]  
  


**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**   
  


billy: is it just me or does eddie seem really anxious

billy: like more than usual

Stan the Man <3: No, you’re definitely right.

Stan the Man <3: Something’s up with him.

billy: do you think it has to do with benverlon asking about the plans

Stan the Man <3: Probably,

Stan the Man <3: Also, I can’t believe you just unironically referred to them as benverlon.

billy: i’m too lazy to type out their names fight me

———

**[bev - mike - ben - stan - bill]**   
  


bill: does anyone know why eddie is acting like a spooked pony

mike: ask ben

stan: Ben?

ben: i convinced him to confess today

bill: how

ben: he was ranting and i’m very persuasive

ben: [eddiescreenshots.jpg]

stan: It was that easy?

ben: yeah

stan: Excuse me while I scream.

stan: We’ve been putting up with their pining bullshit for years and it was THAT easy?

bill: ^^^  
———

[3:45 pm]  
  
 **[Losers Club :)]**

ricardo: my mother just invited everyone over for dinner

ricardo: lmk if you can come

eduardo: ill be there

billy goat: again, i can’t pass up a maggie meal

stanford: When should we be there?

ricardo: like,,, 6:30

stanford: Cool, count me in.

Mom: oh yes maggie coming thru with the family meals

Papa: should i bring anything?

Dad: ^^^

ricardo: “tell them they don’t need to bring anything but good conversation”

ricardo: i love my mom but sometimes she sounds really old

Papa: gramps says its cool so im in

Dad: yeah i’ll be there

———

[7:05 pm]  
  


**[bev - mike - ben - stan - bill]**

bev: eddie best confess soon cause this is tiring to watch

bill: why hasn’t he done it already this is worse than before

mike: he wont even look richie in the eyes this is pathetic

stan: Get off your phones, they’re getting suspicious.

———

[8:37 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**

ricardo: mom says thanks again for coming to dinner

Mom: tell her it was our pleasure

billy goat: ^^^

stanford: ^^^^

eduardo: i hope she knows i love her like shes my own mother

ricardo: she says she loves you too and youre welcome anytime spagheds

eduardo: did she call me that

ricardo: ... no

eduardo: good

———

**[eddie, a gay crisis - professional softie]**   
  


professional softie: have you done it yet

eddie, a gay crisis: .... no

professional softie: eddie!!! no backing out!!!

eddie, a gay crisis: yeah yeah ik

eddie, a gay crisis: ill do it now

———

**[eds <3 - roach]**   
  


eds <3: hey rich

eds <3: can we talk real quick

roach: yeah of course

roach: whatcha need spaghetti

eds <3: ok please don’t say anything until im done talking

roach: got it

roach: is everything ok???

eds <3: yeah it’s just

eds <3: ive had this huge crush on you since we were like 10 and im tiers of lying about it and im sorry if this ruins things but i needed to come clean

eds <3: rich?? you there???

eds <3: richie its been 10 minutes this isnt funny

roach: sorry i was just having a heart attack real quick

roach: eddie i like you too

eds <3: wait fr??

roach: idk how you didnt notice yes

eds <3: richie?

roach: yeah eds

eds <3: would you want to maybe be my boyfriend?

roach: brb having another heart attack

eds <3: not funny

roach: of course eddie

roach: id love to be your boyfriend

eds <3: omg this is crazy

eds <3: i cant believe this is happening

roach: neither can i

eds <3: my mom is calling me i have to go

eds <3: see you tomorrow

roach: see you tomorrow <3

eds <3: <3

———

**[eddie, a gay crisis - professional softie]**   
  


eddie, a gay crisis: BEN

eddie, a gay crisis: BEN

eddie, a gay crisis: BEN

professional softie: yes

eddie, a gay crisis: [screenshots.jpg]

eddie, a gay crisis: DHDIDNEBSJDKD

professional softie: !!!! that’s great!!!!!

professional softie: i told you it would go well

professional softie: i’m very proud of you

eddie, a gay crisis: thanks ben!!!!

eddie, a gay crisis: im really glad you talked me into this

professional softie: so am i honestly

eddie, a gay crisis: can you please enjoy tell anyone else yet,,, i want this to be our thing to announce

professional softie: of course

professional softie: my lips are sealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is posted so late my best friend called me and I got distracted
> 
> So yeah reddie is finally a thing here and I’m actually pretty happy with this
> 
> Stay hydrated  
> \- Carson


	12. Things get a bit meta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: Eddie and Richie pull a stunt, things get meta, Richie is a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the shitshow
> 
> (Sidenote: Richie, Eddie, Bill, and Stan all have lunch from 12:30-1:20 while Mike has study hall, and Ben & Bev have class, Bev, Ben, and Mike have lunch after that)

[thursday, 7:32 am]

**[my eds <3 - chee <3]**   
  


chee <3: can we meet early in the usual spot

chee <3: I rlly wanna see you

my eds <3: yeah of course

my eds <3: like what time

chee <3: like 8?

my eds <3: see you there chee

chee <3: !!! you gave me a cute nickname!!!

my eds <3: shut up

———

[8:03 am]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


Mom: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME

Mom: WHY WHEN I WALK INTO THE LOBBY 

Mom: EDDIE AND RICHIE ARE JUST FUCKING

Mom: KISSING?????

Papa: they WHAT

billy goat: WAIT ONE MINUTE

ricardo: it was all part of my elaborate plan, bev my dear

eduardo: dont call her that

ricardo: just bev****

eduardo: thats better

ricardo: see, spaghetti and i are now a ~couple~  
  
eduardo: that makes it sound weird

eduardo: were dating

eduardo: and chee figured itd be best to let you know indirectly via pda

Mom: chee???

ricardo: he gave me a nickname and i love it so much

Papa: congrats you two

Papa: very proud of you

Mom: very proud of my son and future son-in-law

Dad: you two are so cute i’m really happy you figured everything out!!!

stanford: I think it’s time we bring up the “no flirting in chat” rule.

ricardo: gee thanks stan

stanford: I’m very happy for you two, you’re a great pairing.

billy goat: finally

billy goat: don’t get me wrong, i’m also very happy for you, but

billy goat: FINALLY

Mom: rt

stanford: Rt.

Dad: rt

Papa: rt

ricardo: rt 

eduardo: rt 

eduardo: also

eduardo: which one of us is your son bev

Mom: no comment

Papa: its richie

Dad: definitely richie

Mom: i said no comment

eduardo: im offended

ricardo: dont worry eds, youll be family soon enough

eduardo: just cause were dating doesnt mean you get to call me that

ricardo: wdym??? you call me chee???

eduardo: and??? you like being called chee.

ricardo: you like being called eds

eduardo: i do not stfu

Papa: man y’all really acting no different

ricardo: stfu

———

[12:47 pm]  
  


_[ricardo changed stanford’s name to not wyatt oleff]_   
  


_[not wyatt oleff changed ricardo’s name to knock-off finn wolfhard]_   
  


knock-off finn wolfhard: sHUT UP I DO. NOT. LOOK LIKE HIM

not wyatt oleff: Yes, you do.

eduardo: we dont match anymore :(

knock-off finn wolfhard: wait one moment

_[knock-off finn wolfhard changed eduardo’s name to knock-off jdg]_   
  


knock-off jdg: nvm i regret saying anything

Papa: y’all’s lunch convos are really interesting based off the texts we get during them

Papa: also i want a celeb name

_[knock-off finn wolfhard changed Papa’s name to walmart chosen jacobs]_   
  


walmart chosen jacobs: i love it tysm

knock-off finn wolfhard: now we all have to match

knock-off finn wolfhard: bill please

billy goat: fine

_[billy goat changed their name to not jaeden martell]_   
  


knock-off finn wolfhard: thanks billy

not jaeden martell: why are we friends

knock-off finn wolfhard: oh you love me

———

[1:26 pm]  
  


Mom: wait wait now I feel left out

Dad: me too :(

knock-off finn wolfhard: one moment

_[knock-off finn wolfhard changed Mom’s name to wannabe sophia lillis]_   
  


wannabe sophia lillis: fair

_[knock-off finn wolfhard changed Dad’s name to anti-jeremy ray taylor]_   
  


anti-jeremy ray taylor: didn’t he say some not great things

knock-off finn wolfhard: thats why youre the anti-him

knock-off finn wolfhard: youre not problematic

anti-jeremy ray taylor: ooooh ok

anti-jeremy ray taylor: you should probably get back to class

knock-off finn wolfhard: this is why youre the dad of the group

wannabe sophia lillis: richard get off your phone and pay attention

knock-off finn wolfhard: fine mom

———

[3:50 pm]  
  


not wyatt oleff: You guys will not believe what my parents just said.

not jaeden martell: do i need to fight someone???

not wyatt oleff: No.

not wyatt oleff: They just said, and I quote, “That Tozier boy seems to be a great influence on you, Stanley”

not jaeden martell: haven’t they met richie???

not wyatt oleff: I don’t understand it either

knock-off finn wolfhard: excuse you im a great influence

knock-off finn wolfhard: right spaghetti

knock-off jdg: no stan has a point

knock-off finn wolfhard: you hurt me

wannabe sophia lillis: sorry rich im with stan and eddie on this one

knock-off finn wolfhard: mom no

wannabe sophia lillis: is no one going to mention how bill and stan match and bill changed his own name

knock-off jdg: seems pretty gay to me

not jaeden martell: idk what you mean

knock-off jdg: hes hiding something

knock-off jdg: he only uses acronyms when hes nervous

not wyatt oleff: On the subject of names, can we go back, this is really fucking with me for some reason.

wannabe sophia lillis: me too honestly

knock-off jdg: its really weird but i completely understand that

knock-off jdg: like im weirdly uncomfortable

wannabe sophia lillis: ^^^

not wyatt oleff: Ok, we’re changing them.

 _[not wyatt oleff changed their name to Stan]_  
 _[knock-off jdg changed their name to gay panic]_  
 _[wannabe sophia lillis changed their name to arson]_  
 _[arson changed walmart chosen jacobs’ name to sheep]_  
 _[arson changed anti-jeremy ray taylor’s name to books]_  
 _[gay panic changed knock-off finn_ _wolfhard’s name to stink man]_  
 _[Stan changed not jaeden martell’s name to billy]_  
  


gay panic: billy??

gay panic: i never took you for the nickname type there stanny

Stan: I have no idea what you mean.

stink man: stanny why are you so boring with your name

Stan: I swear to God, Richie.

_[stink man changed Stan’s name to stanny boy]_   
  


stanny boy: That’s actually acceptable

stink man: wait wait wait

stink man: you like it???

stanny boy: I never said that.

stink man: ill still take it

———

**[stanny the manny- Rich]**   
  


Rich: hey

Rich: you good?

stanny the manny: No, but it’s fine.

Rich: whats going on

Rich: i know you, youll brush it off and pretend its nothing until you cant ignore it anymore

Rich: and you dont open up until someone pushes

Rich: so thats what im doing

stanny the manny: Can I come over? We can do homework and I can rant.

Rich: of course

stanny the manny: Thanks man. You’re a great friend

Rich: id be a pretty shitty best friend if i didnt let you come over, dont you think

stanny the manny: Still, thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually kinda like this chapter, so that’s nice.
> 
> Have a great rest of your day  
> \- Carson


	13. Hot pink!stan haunts my nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop here I am with another update
> 
> Also, hey siri, how do I write good anything??

[thursday, 5:30 pm]  
  


**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**   
  


billy: hey stan

billy: i just wanted to check up on you

billy: i know you weren’t doing well earlier this week

billy: stan?

billy: you there?

billy: stan??

billy: i’m kinda concerned rn dude

Stan the Man <3: Sorry, I’m at Richie’s.

billy: oh

Stan the Man <3: I’m doing a lot better, thank you for asking.

billy: i’m glad to hear that

Stan the Man <3: I have to go, talk to you later.

billy: yeah ok <3

[delivered, 5:52 pm]  
———

**[leader of the pack - cowboy]**   
  


leader of the pack: mike i think stan likes richie

cowboy: and where’d you get this idea

leader of the pack: [screenchots.jpg]

leader of the pack: he has me on emergency bypass, he always responds within 5 minutes

leader of the pack: it took him 15 minutes to respond

leader of the pack: and he didn’t send a heart back

cowboy: im sure you’re overthinking this, theres no way stan likes richie

cowboy: you just need to tell stan how you feel

leader of the pack: i can’t just!! do that!!

cowboy: why not

leader of the pack: i’m a coward, michael!

cowboy: useless gay.

leader of the pack: excuse you, my label is queer

cowboy: useless queer.

leader of the cowboy: wait he’s replying

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**   
  


Stan the Man <3: I’m so sorry for not responding, Richie keeps taking my phone.

Stan the Man <3: Call later? <3

billy: of course <3

———

[leader of the pack - cowboy] 

leader of the pack: ok maybe you were right

cowboy: i told you

———

[6:30 pm]  
  


**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


Rich: ok just remember the plan

Rich: invite him to go birdwatching

Rich: thats all you have to do for now

stanny the manny: I can’t believe I’m listening to your stupid plan.

Rich: just shut up and call him

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**   
  


Stan the Man <3: Hey, can I call you now?

billy: yeah one sec

billy: ok we’re good

~~  
  
Bill picked up as soon as the call came through.

”Hey, Stan”

Stan’s voice sounded lower through the phone, “Hi, Bill”

They talked about everything from songs stuck in their heads to their favorite pie flavors to the smell of rain for about an hour before Stan cleared his throat to say the one thing he had been nervous of.

”Speaking of weather,” Bill thought he heard a bit of nervousness in Stan’s voice, “Sunday is looking great, so do you want to meet up and birdwatch?”

”Y-yeah, sounds fun”

They continued talking for what felt like hours before Bill heard his parents call him for dinner.

”That was my mom, I ha-have to go,”

”See you tomorrow, Bill,”

”See you then”

Stan heard the click of Bill hanging up and sighed, unlocking his phone to text Richie.

~~

[8:14 pm]  
  


**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


stanny the manny: Just got off the phone with Bill. He agreed to go birdwatching Sunday.

Rich: I told you it’d be a success

stanny the manny: Whatever.

———

**[Losers Club]**   
  


arson: what are you four up to

arson: none of you have texted since like 4

arson: something fishy is up

arson: and i know ben and mike have nothing to do with it

stink man: this is blatant favoritism

stink man: idk where you got the idea we were “up to” something

stink man: i was just chilling with my good friend mr uris

stanny boy: Please, don’t ever call me that again.

stink man: ok then stanthony

stanny boy: this is what I get for letting people talk to me  
  
stanny boy: I’m disappointed in kindergarten me.

stink man: im not

arson: ok so maybe you two aren’t up to something but what about eddie and bill

stink man: bill is too stupid to be up to anything

stanny boy: He’s also at dinner currently.

arson: ok you two are really out here roasting bill when he’s not here to defend himself

stink man: you gonna do something about it red

arson: oh no, im just here for the ride

stink man: fair enough

stink man: and i have no idea where the spaghetti man is

gay panic: dont call me that

gay panic: also, be nice to bill

stink man: only because you said so eds

gay panic: suddenly, i am single

stink man: waIT NO

stink man: IM SORRY

gay panic: shouldve thought before calling me that huh

stink man: EDDIE P L E A S E

gay panic: im just messing with you dumbass

stink man: oh thank god

stanny boy: yall make me SICK

arson: yall make me UGHUDHDHDBJS

stanny boy: disgustang

arson: disgustang

stink man: i see how it is

stink man: stan can abandon his grammar for a meme but not for the aesthetic of the chat

gay panic: are you not going to mention that stan just quoted a tiktok

stink man: im too offended for it to sink in

stanny boy: Thank you for your participation, Bev.

arson: anytime stanford

stanny boy: Not you too.

stink man: beverly marsh i love you

arson: i learned from the best

gay panic: so what am i, chopped liver?

stink man: dw i love you also eds

gay panic: i regret my decisions

books: don’t we all

arson: ben!!! hi!!

books: hey bevvy

sheep: ben has something to tell you bev

arson: oh no

books: don’t worry it’s nothing bad

books: i may have dyed my hair blue

sheep: hes been freaking out to me over ft for like 45 minutes

arson: dont worry im sure you look cute

sheep: thats what ive been saying for the past 45 minutes!!!

sheep: [ftscreenshot.jpg]

sheep: look at how cute and soft this boy is!!!

arson: oh ben you look so good

books: it’s only the tips and it’s hair wax so it washes out after like 1 shampoo but i’m still nervous about it

arson: no babe you look great

sheep: you look amazing no matter what and we both love your hair

books: thanks guys

stink man: for the record, i like it too

stink man: and ive done worse things to my hair

stanny boy: [hotpinkrichie.jpg]

stanny boy: Proof.

stanny boy: I also like it, but your comfort is the top priority.

gay panic: i was also thinking of dyeing my hair ben!! we could be dye buddies!!

books: you all really know how to comfort a guy

books: now that i’m looking at it, i kinda like it

books: also i would be honored to be your dye buddy, eddie

sheep: now that you feel better

sheep: can we go back to the fact that richie dyed his entire head hot pink

stink man: it was a decision i refuse to regret

stink man: i rocked the pink hair

stanny boy: No, you really didn’t.

gay panic: ^^^^

stink man: wow rude

stink man: betrayed by both my lover and my best friend

stink man: also you dont get to talk staniel

stink man: [hotpinkstan.jpg]

sheep: w h a t

stanny boy: You bitch. We agreed to never bring that up.

stink man: you had the audacity to say I didnt rock the pink, i had to

books: i’m literally shanking rn

books: pink hair!stan will haunt my nightmares

stanny boy: Mine too.

arson: i also tried dyeing my hair once

arson: naturally red hair does not go well with hair dye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, the blue hair thing may or may not be a thing I did today that I wanted to project onto the softest boy.
> 
> Remember to take regular showers  
> \- Carson


	14. A day in the school life of the losers minus bill [part one]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: Bill gets sick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning!! There is one use of a homophobic slur in this chapter!!!

[friday, 8:03 am]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


stink man: BILLY

stink man: WHERE YOU AT

stink man: STAN MISSES YOU

stanny boy: I’m just worried.

billy: sorry guys

billy: i got sick

billy: i’m staying home today

billy: but i better be getting constant updates

stink man: sir yes sir

gay panic: feel better soon

arson: well miss you in geo

billy: i sure hope you do, i make that class fun

arson: aint that the truth

sheep: we’ll also send a tribute to give you your hw after school

stink man: i vote stan

billy: you don’t have to do that

billy: i don’t want to get anyone else sick

sheep: too bad

sheep: its happening

———

[9:01 am]  
  


gay panic: youre not missing much big bill

gay panic: just bowers yelling slurs at us in the hall

billy: i swear i’m going to pummel that bitch one day

stanny boy: It’s fine, nothing we’re not used to.

bev: can you believe the nerve of that guy tho

bev: like seriously

bev: as if the entire student body doesn’t know about him and patrick in the bathroom

stink man: whos the fairy now bowers

stink man: i mean still me

stink man: but ALSO you

books: why is it richie that gets the gay slurs

books: aren’t we all not straight

stanny boy: We all have other traits that are easier to make fun of.

stink man: and ive always been suuuper gay

———

[9:39 am]  
  


sheep: i-

sheep: huh

billy: what’s happening

sheep: betty ripsom just beat up gina

billy: are we talking about the same betty ripsom???

sheep: the one that went missing for a week in seventh grade??? yes

billy: holy shit you’re joking

sheep: im literally not it happened right in front of me

billy: you mean to tell me miss vegan-pacifist betty fucking ripsom just beat up some other girl

sheep: tbf gina was way out of line

sheep: i really dodged a bullet there

billy: hold up

billy: you need to tell me the entire story like,,, now.

sheep: so gina was saying something to some other girl about that summer when betty went missing for a week

sheep: she said something about how it was a conspiracy and the missing kids weren’t in real danger

billy: i’m about to beat the fuck out of this bitch too

billy: georgie went missing for MONTHS and came back malnourished and scarred and she thinks they weren’t in “real danger”

sheep: ikr

sheep: so anyways

sheep: betty overhears this being said

sheep: and she tried to calmly explain how she was in real danger and shes now in therapy because of the emotional damage and blah blah blah right

sheep: and then gina has the audacity to say that mental health problems aren’t real

sheep: and betty lost it

billy: good!!!

gay panic: id yell at you for being an your phone in class but thats a valid reason to be distracted

gay panic: also holy shit betty go off queen

gay panic: how can you think something so stupid???

sheep: literally it was the dumbest thing ive ever heard

billy: so eddie how’s your class

gay panic: boring

gay panic: no fights :(

gay panic: just a pop quiz on parallelism

gay panic: btw theres a pop quiz on parallelism in english today

billy: no!!! that’s the only class i’m good at and i’m missing it!!

gay panic: sucks to suck

billy: :’(

gay panic: so hows home life

billy: boring

billy: i’ve basically been drawing since like 8 am

gay panic: ooooh show

billy: [boats.jpg]

gay panic: now ik it didnt take you 2 hours to draw only that

gay panic: where are the other drawings bill

billy: wdym??? i’ve been drawing these boats all morning

———

**[big bill - wheeze man]**   
  


big bill: ok i’ll show you here if you promise not to tell

wheeze man: ok???

big bill: not even richie.

wheeze man: oh this is serious ok

big bill: do you promise

wheeze man: yes

big bill: [standrawings.jpg]  
  
wheeze man: why did you

wheeze man: OH

wheeze man: oh ok i see you

wheeze man: theyre really good

wheeze man: very accurate

wheeze man: like surprisingly so

big bill: thank you

———

[10:12 am]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**

stink man: youre telling me i missed the big billiam denbrough art hour

arson: bill are you taking requests

billy: always

arson: you should draw us

billy: i have like 3 sketchbooks filled with drawings of you guys but one more couldn’t hurt

billy: give me like an hour i want this to be good

arson: sweet

———

[11:20 am]  
  


billy: [losersdrawing.jpg]  
  


billy: i like to call this peice “my dumb friends”

stink man: i love the way you captured just how chaotic we are in a still image

stink man: also how in the ever loving fuck did you manage to draw us so well wtf

billy: when you’re friends with the same three to six people for years you 1. gather a lot of reference pictures and 2. learn to draw them well

sheep: can we tale a sec to appreciate the hair bill draws

sheep: exhibit a: stans curls

sheep: exhibit b: bevs mess

sheep: exhibit c: whatever rich has going on

billy: i have so many zoomed in pictures of you guys’ hair it’s scary

billy: that sounds creepy

billy: like i take images that i already had and zoom in on them

arson: i also would like to call to mind the fact that richie and eddie are arguing in this and stan ben and mike are all rolling their eyes

billy: art imitates life

stanny boy: Bill, this is amazing.

billy: aww thanks

stanny boy: You really captured the essence of everyone, it’s really good.

billy: i try

stanny boy: You succeed.

billy: you’re so sweet <3

stanny boy: <3

gay panic: thats gay

gay panic: also i really like it bill

billy: thanks dude

billy: any more suggestions to hold me over until lunch?

stanny boy: Birds?

billy: i’m not surprised

billy: but sure

stanny boy: You better send pictures.

billy: i will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was getting really long and I wanted to post so part 2 tomorrow
> 
> Please eat some real food,  
> \- Carson


	15. A day in the school life of the losers minus bill [part 2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: both Richie and Stan cry, Ben is precious, and tea is spilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stan cries over birds and that’s a fact.

[12:30 am]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


billy: ok i know at least eddie richie and stan can talk now that it’s lunch for them

stanny boy: I think you’re forgetting something.

billy: oh yes

billy: [birddrawings.jpg]

stanny boy: I love them all so much.

billy: i’m glad you like them

stink man: my hair smells weird

stink man: like it doesnt smell like my shampoo

gay panic: did you use your moms by accident again

stink man: that was one time

stink man: and it was really early and i wasnt paying attention

billy: and it did do wonders for his scalp

stink man: bill gets it

billy: once i used my moms shampoo just to try it and it made my hair so soft

billy: best few days of my life

stink man: now that i think about it maybe i did use her shampoo

gay panic: once I used my moms curly hair stuff instead of conditioner and my hair was really bad for a few days

stink man: i remember that

stink man: you wouldnt let anyone touch it

stanny boy: Was that the time you almost sprained Richie’s wrist for touching you?

gay panic: yes

gay panic: and i do not regret it

stink man: ouch

stink man: i thought you loved me eds

gay panic: you thought wrong

gay panic: and dont call me that

sheep: y’all are so weird

stink man: we cant all be in loving relationships mike

gay panic: who said i dont love you

stanny boy: You did, literally just now.

gay panic: well i take it back

gay panic: i do love you

stink man: AWW I LOVE YOU TOO

billy: someone please tell me he’s crying

stanny boy: [richiecryingintoeddie.jpg]

stanny boy: You’re never allowed to miss lunch again, I’m not third wheeling these two again.

billy: thank you for your noble sacrifice

billy: a true hero

gay panic: you act as if we make out in public or smth

stanny boy: You literally do.

stanny boy: You literally told us you were dating by making out in front of Bev.

gay panic: that was one time

sheep: bev is still scarred btw

gay panic: thats fair

gay panic: id also be scarred for life if i saw anyone making out with richie

stink man: you hurt me

gay panic: im literally in your lap but ok

billy: stan i’m so sorry that you have to deal with them alone

stanny boy: This is cruel and unusual punishment.

stink man: i am a delight excuse you

stanny boy: My point still stands.

stink man: i thought we were friends smh

stanny boy: You thought wrong.

stink man: wow ok ig billiam is my new best friend

billy: what

billy: i didn’t sign up for this

stink man: w o w

stink man: ig its hate richie day

gay panic: everyday is hate richie day of youre not a pussy

stink man: eds youre literally on my lap rn

gay panic: your point?

stink man: you know what

billy: can you two not flirt i’m trying to eat and it’s upsetting my stomach

stanny boy: ^^^

sheep: i now see why the squad fam chat never worked

———

[1:20 pm]  
  


arson: you really did stan dirty like that huh

billy: oh shoot it’s time for lunch 2

books: electric boogaloo

billy: this just in: ben is my new favorite

arson: step off denbrough

sheep: ^^^

billy: this just in: ben is no longer my favorite 

books: dw guys i wouldn’t go for bill

books: i have standards

billy: ouch ok ben

sheep: this just in: ben is my new favorite

arson: id be offended but honestly same

books: that’s implying that i wasn’t your favorite before :(

sheep: no!!! dont be sad!!!

arson: please!!! we love you!!!

books: aww ily2 :)

billy: ...

books: oh bill i’m so sorry

billy: it’s ok

billy: you guys are cute

billy: i just felt a lil bit awkward

arson: oof

arson: imagine being single

arson: its not me

billy: i’m sorry that i’m pining after someone that will never like me back, unlike some people

billy: wait shit

arson: b i l l

arson: you best tell me

sheep: tea

billy: stfu mike

arson: w a i t

arson: you told mike and not me!!

billy: you do have a habit of spilling secrets when you get too excited

arson: alright fair

arson: i wont bug

arson: but i still want to know

billy: istg mike if you tell them

sheep: dw i can keep secrets

sheep: unlike some people

sheep: cough ben cough

books: that was one time!!!

sheep: but still

books: this just in: bev is my new favorite

arson: !!!

arson: take that mikey

sheep: ,,, ben,,, please,,,

books: at least bev doesn’t tease me for things i did years ago

arson: yeah

sheep: :(

books: :)

arson: :)

sheep: :)

billy: anyways

billy: how was geo bev

arson: boring

arson: i got your hw

billy: danke

———

[2:37 pm]  
  


stanny boy: GUYS

stanny boy: GUYS IM CRYING

billy: what happened???

stanny boy: [baltimoreoriole.jpg]

stanny boy: THATS A BALITMORE ORIOLE

stanny boy: IVE NEVER SEEN ONE BEFORE

gay panic: im in the same class, he is crying

billy: that’s really pretty

billy: i’m drawing it right away

gay panic: you made him cry harder

billy: stan no!!!

stanny boy: I just have a lot of feelings.

———

[3:01 pm]

  
stink man: alright fuckers

stink man: which one of us is delivering billy boy’s hw

gay panic: stan and ben are the only two with cars so it should probably be one of them

gay panic: and its not going to be me

gay panic: no offense bill

billy: none taken

stanny boy: I’ll do it.

stanny boy: Meet me outside the main doors to give me the work.

arson: can do

stink man: yes sir

———

[3:10 pm]  
  


**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**   
  


Stan the Man <3: On my way, be there in 5.

billy: thank you <3

Stan the Man <3: Any time <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this update is out relatively early I’m proud of myself
> 
> Don’t text and drive,  
> \- Carson


	16. Bill has the big gay for Stan Uris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: a whole fuckton of stenbrough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is I again here to deliver you your daily dose of whatever this is

[3:45 pm]  
  


**[Stanley - Mother]**   
  


Stanley: I’m going to be late tonight. Bill needs my help with his homework.

Mother: Be home by 7, please.

Stanley: Yes, Mom.

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


gay panic: stan??? wya bud??

gay panic: your cars not in your driveway im a bit worried

gay panic: youre always home by 3:45

stanny boy: I’m still at Bill’s.

gay panic: oh ok

———

**[big bill - wheeze man]**   
  


wheeze man: i heard stans over ;)

big bill: i regret telling you

big bill: he offered to help me with the work i missed

wheeze man: ok bill ;)

big bill: shut up

———

**[my eds <3 - chee <3]**   
  


chee <3: eds

chee <3: eddie spaghetti

chee <3: eddie my love

my eds <3: youre literally sitting next to me why are you texting

chee <3: you were on your phone and not paying attention to me

my eds <3: jfc

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


sheep: why is stan the best person to ever exist

stanny boy: ?

sheep: you deal with richie on the daily, are always so supportive of us, and you stay at bills to help him with the stuff he missed

stink man: id be offended but he has a point

arson: please dont mind mike, hes feeling soft atm

stanny boy: It’s the least I could do, you gays are my best friends.

stink man: now stanny you best not get soft on me

stink man: soft stan makes eddie soft and i dont think i could handle soft eddie

gay panic: whats that supposed to mean

stink man: youre just really cute babe

stanny boy: I’m going to stop you two right there.

stanny boy: I’m not dealing with more of your flirting bullshit today.

stanny boy: You’re obviously together, so say it.

arson: go off king

gay panic: please never say that ever again

arson: he really snapped

gay panic: please no

arson: drag them sis

gay panic: goodbye

arson: spill that tea

stanny boy: That’s enough, Bev.

arson: ok good i was running out of ideas

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**   
  


Stan the Man <3: Bill, where do you keep your soup?

billy: corner cabinet

billy: why

Stan the Man <3: So I can make you some, duh.

billy: you don’t have to do that for me

Stan the Man <3: Too bad, I want to.

billy: my hero <3

Stan the Man <3: <3

———

[6:34 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


arson: anyone up to hang tomorrow

arson: mike ben i already know you can

stink man: yeah ofc

stink man: eds says he wants to come too

stanny boy: I’ll go if Bill’s feeling up to it

stink man: gay

billy: yeah i’ll go if i’m feeling better

billy: stan, you can go without me

stanny boy: I want to be there if you’re not feeling well.

stanny boy: Plus, without you I’m sixth-wheeling

billy: you make a fair point

billy: you’re also really good at making canned soup taste good so fine

stanny boy: You never had a choice in the first place, but I’m glad you agree.

stink man: gay 2.0

———

**[stanny the manny- Rich]**   
  


Rich: are you two?

stanny the manny: No.

Rich: o o f

———

**[Losers Club :)]**

stanny boy: Beep beep, Rich.

arson: moving swiftly on

arson: so thats either 5 or 7 of us tomorrow

arson: where

sheep: clubhouse? 9 am?

arson: clubhouse. 9 am.

stink man: be there or be square

———

[7:10 pm]  
  


**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**   
  


billy: ik i’ve said it like a bazillion times but thank you again for coming over and helping em with that work and taking care of me.

Stan the Man <3: It was really no problem, I enjoy hanging out with you, even if you’re sick.

billy: i’m feeling a lot better fyi

Stan the Man <3: I’m really glad to hear that.

Stan the Man <3: If you need anything, just text me.

billy: i will

billy: i love you

Stan the Man <3: I love you, too.

———

**[Bill - Mike - Eddie]**   
  


_[Bill named the chat i’m gay please help]_   
  


Bill: GUYS

Mike: yes?

Bill: [screenshots.jpg]

Bill: ik he meant it like as a friend but i’m not doing well

Mike: why is eddie here?

Eddie: he told me earlier today

Mike: oh that makes sense

Bill: can we please focus on the problem at hand

Eddie: why dont you just tell him

Mike: ive been telling him that for months, hes too much of a coward

Eddie: why

Bill: i don’t wanna ruin our friendship or make things awkward

Eddie: thats a stupid reason but ok

Mike: dont pretend you werent like that

Eddie: i think everyone here was like that at some point

Mike: touché

Bill: you two really can’t focus can you

Mike: oh we can

Eddie: we just both know you two will figure your shit out at some point and arent worried

Mike: ^^^^

Bill: you guys are actually the worst

Eddie: literally just grow a pair bill

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


stink man: this just in: eddie kaspbrak is cancelled

arson: no!!! my ship!!

gay panic: oh dont be like that

stink man: you called me over dramatic and pushed me off the bed smh

gay panic: will it make you feel better if we watch back to the future

stink man: this just in: eddie kaspbrak is uncancelled!!

arson: phew

gay panic: do you see what im dealing with

stink man: what’s that supposed to mean???

gay panic: nothing hun

arson: gay

stink man: oh go kiss your boyfriends

arson: maybe i will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this mess! I promise stebrough within the next few chapters, cause I’m tired of their pining.
> 
> Remember to eat regularly and take your meds (if you need them)  
> \- Carson


	17. Clubhouse day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this edition of eyeroll: Richie and Bev look at memes, they hang out at the clubhouse, and more Georgie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I disappear off the face of the earth for a few days? Yes. Am I sorry? Yes. Is this chapter good at all? Probably not.
> 
> (Hey also quick warning there’s a joke about abuse at the beginning of this)

[saturday, 1:47 am]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


stink man: cartoon network moms do be having hella ass bro

stanny boy: Why are you like this?

arson: cartoon network dads: []  
cartoon network moms: ()

stink man: cartoon network dads:   
hey i will beat my wife, am built like stick shut the fuck up before i kill you jimmy   
cartoon network moms:  
bad, baddie, baddie thickums, bad bitch, thick booty ass hoe, oh jeremy you need condoms? have fun and don't get caught

arson: tag yourself: cartoon network mom edition: im bad bitch

stink man: im thick booty ass hoe

stanny boy: I hate this fucking family.

stink man: [[icaca.jpg]](https://www.instagram.com/p/B_Q8N2DniKb/?igshid=e3q3pnv4m4qw)

arson: DHEJIDJEBE

stanny boy: And you sent that to us why?

stink man: i needed other people to appreciate this beautiful meme

stanny boy: I’m going back to bed.

arson: night stan

stink man: night stanny <3

stanny boy: </3

stink man: bev check your insta dms im sending you more memes

———

[8:20 am]  
  


billy: it is times like these I question my friendships with you people

arson: thank you for waking me up there bill i totally wasn’t having the raddest dream

billy: i’m not sorry

billy: and please don’t say rad

arson: wow ok someone has been spending too much time with stan

billy: ANYWAYS

billy: EVERYONE ELSE WAKE UP WE’RE MEETING AT THE CLUBHOUSE IN LIKE 30

stanny boy: Are you good?

billy: yes, how are you doing this fine morning

stanny boy: Just as mediocre as ever.

billy: aww :/

stanny boy: It’s fine. Are you feeling good enough to come today?

billy: oh yes i’m feeling much better today

stanny boy: It’s good to hear that.

sheep: wholesome

books: get yourself a man that checks up on you like stan and bill check up on each other

arson: for being the only single losers, they sure are goals

billy: suddenly, i am feeling sick again

stanny boy: Me too.

arson: were just sayin

stanny boy: And we’re telling you to stop saying.

billy: ^^^^

stink man: i cant believe i woke up to this

stink man: also stan

stanny boy: Finish that sentence, Richard, I dare you.

stink man: what are you gonna do? sick your birds on me?

sheep: thats enough you two

sheep: richie dont bully stan

sheep: and stan dont hurt richie 

stink man: yes dad

stanny boy: Fine.

gay panic: do you guys ever stop

stanny boy: Eddie, we’ve been friends since kindergarten, you should know by now that none of us ever stop.

gay panic: you have a point

books: wait one second

books: if eddie and richie are dating

books: does this mean they can just cuddle in the hammock without making a huge deal out of it

arson: drag them babe

stanny boy: Fucking hopefully.

stink man: i feel attacked

gay panic: 1. we never “cuddled”

gay panic: 2. we did NOT make a huge deal out of anything

stink man: (hate to break it to you love but we kinda did cuddle)

gay panic: (ik im just trying to prove a point)

arson: real subtle

stink man: i am the most subtle idk what youre talking about

arson: says mr “i love you eddie but we’re not dating but i love you”

stink man: you know what

stanny boy: Bill, why are you outside my door?

stink man: *eyes emoji*

gay panic: why did you type that out

stink man: i dont want to ruin the already fragile aesthetic of the chat

billy: i thought we could bike to the woods together

stanny boy: I’ll be down in like 2 minutes

billy: great :)

stink man: *eyes emoji*

billy: beep beep

books: how long has it been since we all biked somewhere

sheep: ever since you and stan got cars, we’ve really abandoned our roots

books: we really have

———

[9:36 am]  
  
 **[stanny the manny - Rich]**

Rich: psst stan

stanny the manny: Why are we whispering?

Rich: you never told me what happened yesterday at billiam’s

stanny the manny: Oh.

stanny the manny: Well, if you must know, we worked on the school work he missed and I made canned soup for us. Then, we just hung out in his room, cause he was sick and all.

Rich: how romantic

stanny the manny: Also, this happened.

stanny the manny: [ilyscreenshots.jpg]

Rich: does this mean...

stanny the manny: No. That was platonic.

stanny the manny: But, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

Rich: you should tell him

stanny the manny: I might actually do that.

Rich: wait fr

stanny the manny: Yeah, the two of us are going birdwatching tomorrow, so I think I’ll tell him then.

Rich: good for you man

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


gay panic: @richie and stan, what are we whispering about

stink man: just my undying love for your mother, eds 

gay panic: forget i asked

———

[12:30 pm]  
  


sheep: [stanholdingbagsoffood.jpg]

sheep: on our way back

books: how are you going to carry all that back on your bikes

sheep: thats the beauty of having a basket on the front of your bike, dearest ben

sheep: good for holding injured 13-year-old eddies and bags of deli sandwiches

gay panic: i cant believe i havent lived that down yet

gay panic: i should get a pass my arm was broken

sheep: fair

sheep: but youre the most fun to tease so

stink man: ^^^^

stink man: also back tf off my man hanlon 

sheep: i already have a man and a woman of my own dw

sheep: also, not everyone shows their affection through teasing

billy: now that you two have your heads out of your asses, richie can be jealous on main

stink man: bold of you to assume i was ever jealous off main

———  
[1:05 pm]  
  


stanny boy: [sixloserspiledinahammock.jpg]

stanny boy: On today’s episode of “Will they fit?”, six of the seven losers all pile into one hammock.

stink man: throwback to the time we fit all 7 of us in martha and went of a group trip to marcs

gay panic: im never hiding in the trunk of a car again

———

[6:42 pm]  
  


arson: everyone get home safe

gay panic: richies not home, but hes safe

gay panic: but yes

sheep: yes, and gramps says he wants to host the next family dinner

books: ^^^^

books: i love gramps with my entire heart

sheep: he loves you too

books: brb crying

stanny boy: Yes, I am home and safe.

billy: yup

billy: georgie says hi

billy: and no, i will not be giving him my phone

arson: :(

books: :(

sheep: :(

gay panic: :(

stink man: :(

stanny boy: :(

billy: ...

billy: fine

billy: hi everyone!!! georgie again!!!!

billy: and im not supposed to talk about stanny this time so please dont ask

stink man: yes! g is back again!

billy: hi richie!!!

arson: my favorite child has returned

stink man: hey

billy: ily2 bevvy!!

sheep: georgie! hows it going

billy: really really good

billy: i made 2 new friends today

billy: their names are ellie and alex and they like boats just like me

stanny boy: That’s great, Georgie!

stink man: soon youll have your own losers club jr.

billy: i sure hope so

billy: but billy says that when im older i can join your losers club

gay panic: of course you can

books: we’d be honored to welcome you

billy: thanks guys

billy: billy wants his phone back ill see you guys later

billy: please come over soon

stanny boy: Bye, Georgie.

stink man: see ya g

sheep: bye bud

arson: goodbye my son

stink man: eddie says bye too

books: bye little man

billy: alright, it’s me again

stink man: boooo

gay panic: we prefer georgie

billy: wow ok

billy: i see how it is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being so patient with me
> 
> Shout out to my best friend for giving me that entire Cartoon Network moms convo
> 
> Also shout out to Anna, who comments on like every chapter, you make my day every time I see you commenting.
> 
> Eat your greens  
> \- Carson
> 
> (Also I’ve been working on a fix-it on the side and debating whether or not to post it, so comment if you’d like to see that ig)


	18. Bill and Stan have mental breakdowns and quote vines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter once and I was really proud and then it got deleted so rip
> 
> Also I really am terrible at updating apparently
> 
> Me: stenbrough soon!! only a day or two if I keep my post schedule  
> Also me: doesn’t post for like a week

[saturday, 7:02 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


billy: i can’t believe that after all this time, you like georgie more than me

gay panic: who wouldnt

stink man: yeah billothy youre a bit dumbby and georgie is really cool

stanny boy: What the ever loving fuck did you just call Bill?

stink man: d u m b b y

billy: i am!!! Not!!! dumbby!!!

sheep: *eyes emoji*

billy: stfu micycle i’m just bad at history and you’re objectively not

books: oh god richie’s infected him

billy: he has Not

stanny boy: Can we please stop making fun of Bill? He’s going to end up on my doorstep in tears.

arson: d r a g h i m

billy: friendship ended with every loser, connor bowers is my new best friend

stink man: YOU WOULDNT DARE

billy: try me bitch

stanny boy: I know it’s not the time, but you forgot a comma there and it bothers me.

billy: you’re lucky you’re cute

billy: WAIT SHIT

stink man: HERE WE GO

arson: HDKDISBEID B I L L

billy: DISREGARD THAT EARLIER STATEMENT

sheep: that’s gay

gay panic: I’m cackling

billy: I SAID DISREGARD

stink man: STANLEY PLEASE COME BACK THIS IS IMPORTANT

sheep: im tired of bills pining please come back stan

arson: w h a t

billy: PLEASE STOP IM BEGGING

books: i leave for like 2 minutes, and this is what i come back to.

books: guys, as much as i’m with you all, i think we should leave them alone

billy: thank you ben

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


Rich: dude you must be seeing this

Rich: you have to do somethjng

stanny the manny: Something**

stanny the manny: What if they’re lying

Rich: eddie says theyre not

Rich: hes showing me all these texts from bill about you

Rich: he really likes you man

stanny the manny: What do I do?

stanny the manny: I don’t think I can hold it all in, but I don’t want to ghost him.

Rich: text him

stanny the manny: I better not regret doing this.

———

**[Stan the Man <3 - billy]**

Stan the Man <3: Bill, we need to talk.

billy: if this is about the chat, i’m sorry

Stan the Man <3: Don’t apologize.

Stan the Man <3: I really really like you, Bill. I have for a long time, but I never wanted to tell you. You make me feel so good about myself, even when I can only see the bad in me. I didn’t want to tell you like this, but I couldn’t wait any longer.

billy: please tell me i’m not dreaming

Stan the Man <3: You’re not, this is real life.

billy: i really like you, too, stan 

Stan the Man <3: Bill Denbrough, would you do me the great honor of being my boyfriend?

billy: it would be my pleasure, stanley uris.

Stan the Man <3: It feels so good to finally get that off my chest.

billy: i can finally openly flirt with you

Stan the Man <3: I just got a wonderfully terrible idea.

Stan the Man <3: What if we just didn’t tell them we’re dating and just flirted in public and held hands and stuff, just to see how long it takes them.

billy: you’re a genius

Stan the Man <3: I am aware.

billy: on an unrelated note, does this make our birdwatching tomorrow our first date?

Stan the Man <3: It absolutely does.

billy: good

billy: i have to go for dinner, but i’ll text you later

billy: bye stan <3

Stan the Man <3: Bye, Billy <3

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


arson: can someone please explain

stink man: bill and stan like each other but are dancing around it like cowards

arson: was i the only one unaware of this

books: i didn’t get direct information, but it was pretty obvious

sheep: so theyre just going to disappear on us???

stanny boy: Don’t worry, Bill. You’re really cute too.

arson: s t a n

stink man: oh yeah, its all coming together

———

[8:23 pm]  
  


[billy changed their name to billy boy]  
  


billy boy: there, we match

billy boy: also, thank you stan

stanny boy: I mean it’s true.

gay panic: not to ruin the moment but do you two want to explain yourselves

stanny boy: Bill and I are just very close friends

billy boy: we say no homo and wear socks so it’s ok

stanny boy: ^^^

stink man: you w h a t

———

**[stanny the manny - Rich]**   
  


Rich: stan??? you wanna explain bud???

stanny the manny: Bill and I stayed friends.

Rich: ouch

stanny the manny: It’s fine with me, as long as he’s comfortable.

Rich: you really are a gift stan the man

stanny the manny: You bet your ass I am.

Rich: speaking of asses

Rich: bill is about to get his beat

stanny the manny: Richie, please, whatever you do, DO NOT hurt Bill.

Rich: but he hurt you???

stanny the manny: No, he didn’t.

Rich: but,,, you liked him for so long,,,, and he rejected you,,,,

stanny the manny: Richie, everything is fine, trust me.

stanny the manny: You know I can’t bring myself to lie to you, so you know I’m telling the truth.

Rich: ok then

Rich: if youre sure

stanny the manny: I really am.

———

**[Stan My Man <3 - Billy Baby <3]**   
  


Stan My Man <3: [screenshots.jpg]

Stan My Man <3: Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

Billy Baby <3: yeah i’m not a fan of being murdered yet rich.

Stan My Man <3: ...

Billy Baby <3: ...

Stan My Man <3: We’re still doing it, aren’t we?

Billy Baby <3: duh

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


billy boy: i want a jewish boOoy that go to,, temple, aND READ HIS TORAHH

stanny boy: I want a church boy, that go to church, and read his biblee 

billy boy: hEY DUCK

stanny boy: YOU’RE NO GOOD, DUCK

billy boy: YOULL NEVER BE SHIT

stanny boy: YOU’RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER

stanny boy: If there are any spirits here tonight, can you tell me:

billy boy: does this sound like shakira

stanny boy: LELELOLELA

gay panic: are you two mentally stable

stanny boy: What do you have?

billy boy: a kNIFE

stanny boy: NO.

arson: eddie stop interrupting i want to see how long they can go like this

billy boy: AAAAAAAAH AAAH AAH

stanny boy: WHY ARE YOU RUNNING? WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?

stanny boy: Bring the beat in.

billy boy: anything for you, beyonce

billy boy: if your name is junior

stanny boy: And you’re really handsome

billy boy: come on, raise your hand

stanny boy: There is only one thing worse than a rapist. Boom.

billy boy: gasp, a child

stanny boy: No.

stanny boy: Eddie, why are you and Richie at my door.

gay panic: you and bill were having mental breakdowns in this here chat and you live across the street from me so we came to check on you

stanny boy: As much as I appreciate that, I’m fine.

stink man: too bad let us in

stanny boy: Fine, one moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really like them ok?
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, also hope it was worth the wait. I think I’m going to post the first chapter of that fix-it i mentioned last time soon so that’s a thing
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading
> 
> Remember to eat a fruit once in a while  
> \- Carson


	19. Protect Richie Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In today’s update: protective!Stan, Richie has a mental breakdown at 2 am, Ben is here and exists

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ everyone who has ever commented on this fic, I love you.
> 
> Also I just realized that the continuity of this is absolute garbage so rip me

[saturday, 11:38 pm] 

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


stanny boy: Can someone please yell at Richie and Eddie to get out of my house.

billy boy: eddie, richie, please leave the stan alone

billy boy: he has to wake up early to watch birds tomorrow

stanny boy: I said yell at them, not expose me.

billy boy: it’s the truth

stanny boy: You’re lucky you’re my favorite.

billy boy: no u <3

stink man: hEY

gay panic: hEY x2

sheep: hEY x3

sheep: also, can y’all keep it down, ben&bev are trying to sleep

gay panic: i stan one (1) protective cowboy bf

stanny boy: @Edward and Richard: leave my house

billy boy: he pulled out the full names

sheep: theyre dead

gay panic: ok jeez were leaving

stanny boy: I’m going to bed before I snap someone’s neck, goodnight all.

billy boy: night stanny <3

stanny boy: <3

sheep: night stan

gay panic: night dude

stink man: tell your mom i said thanks for the wild night

stanny boy: Shut the fuck up, Roachie.

gay panic: ASKSKSKSNDMSMSLSNSN ROACHIE

_[gay panic changed stink man’s name to roachie]_

gay panic: throwback to before chee and i got together and his contact name was roach

roachie: stan the man gets off a good one

roachie: also, im hurt eds

gay panic: not my name dickweed

billy boy: dickweed?

gay panic: im tired ok, that wasnt my best

———

[sunday, 2:46 am]  
  


roachie: so im sitting here trying to be emo right

roachie: and im listening to my playlist and its depressing an stuff right

roachie: when suddenly

roachie: WEEEE OO WEEEEE WE UM UM A WAYYYYY

roachie: so now im crying to the lion sleeps tonight

roachie: though i must say

roachie: 10/10 good experience

———

**[squad fam 2.0]**   
  


trashmouth: do you ever just

trashmouth: e x i s t

trashmouth: we need to use this chat more

trashmouth: i miss it

———

[7:32 am]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


stanny boy: Are you ok?

roachie: mentally, physically, or spiritually

stanny boy: All of the above.

roachie: no

stanny boy: Good to know.

billy boy: suddenly, i regret agreeing to go birdwatching with you.

stanny boy: We both know that that’s not true.

billy boy: i hate that you’re right.

roachie: remember to use protection boys

stanny boy: Beep beep.

billy boy: beep beep

———  
[7:55 am]

**[Stan My Man <3 - Billy Baby <3]**   
  


Billy Baby <3: be there in 5

Stan My Man <3: Can’t wait.

Stan My Man <3: You’re biking, right?

Billy Baby <3: yup

Stan My Man <3: Ok. Be safe, don’t text and bike.

Billy Baby <3: you’re not helping by texting me

Stan My Man <3: Sorry!

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


books: why do we always wake up so early on weekends

books: why can’t we plan things in the afternoon, like normal people

stanny boy: Ben, think about everyone in this chat, and then ask that question again.

books: you make a fair point

books: also richie

roachie: whatdya need haystack

books: did you even go to sleep

roachie: honestly couldnt tell you

roachie: last night was a blur tbh

books: please, go to sleep

roachie: see i could do that

roachie: or i couldnt

books: rich please

stanny boy: Richard Tozier, go to bed before I drag Bill on a detour to your house to personally tuck you in.

roachie: how can you be so threatening and soft at the same time

stanny boy: Richie. Don’t make me get Eddie

roachie: you wouldnt

stanny boy: Oh, but I would.

roachie: fine im going to bed

stanny boy: If someone could go make sure, that’d be great. I would, but I don’t want to drag Bill with me.

books: i got this, just go watch those birds

stanny boy: Thanks, Ben.

books: remember to take lots of pictures

stanny boy: I will.

———

**[Stan My Man <3 - Billy Baby <3]**   
  


Billy Baby <3: i have arrived

Stan My Man <3: Be right out.

———

[9:37 am]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


gay panic: ohmygod richie

gay panic: im coming over to cuddle and make sure you SLEEP

books: thank you eddie

gay panic: why didnt you wake me smh

books: stan seemed like he was handling it

books: also you’re extra angry when people wake you

gay panic: idk what youre talking about

books: mhm

gay panic: its different when richie needs me

books: gay

gay panic: uh yeah i sure hope it does

books: for a sec i forgot that you have no shame

gay panic: its too early for you to be roasting me

gay panic: where is everyone else to come to my aid smh

books: bevvy and mikey are sleeping, richie is also sleeping(?), and stan and bill are birdwatching.

gay panic: you really are in the cutest relationship huh

books: what can i say, they’re the best

books: they’re also not here to stop me from calling the any nickname i want

gay panic: get yourself a man that loves you as much as ben loves bev and mike

books: wait someone’s waking up gtg

gay panic: yeah im at chee’s i should also go

———

[1:26 pm]  
  


roachie: which one of you motherfuckers snitched on me to eds

roachie: i was passed out peacefully on my bed, and woke up under the covers with my glasses off and a cute lil eddie clinging to me

sheep: why dint you just ask Eddie if he’s right there

roachie: hes asleep and i dont want to wake him

sheep: then backread

roachie: this just in: stanley and benjamin are canceled!!

roachie: for making spaghetti walk all the way to my house on a sunday morning to make sure i was asleep

sheep: it sounds like that was eddies choice but ok

roachie: speaking of stan, shouldnt he and bill be back by now

billy boy: we’re getting lunch

sheep: ok there bill i see you

billy boy: see what, mike

sheep: oh nothing

billy boy: that’s what i thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I love each an every one of you that are seeing this because that means you used your time to read something I wrote, and that leans a lot to me.
> 
> Remember to wash your face,  
> \- Carson


	20. Stan and Bill can’t keep secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again it is I, back again to provide y’all with more of whatever it is I’m giving you

[sunday, 3:34 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


books: oh no i’ve been canceled

books: does this mean i have to make a youtuber apology video

roachie: just for saying that, you have been uncanceled 

books: yay :)

books: @stan where are my bird pictures

roachie: yeah stan let’s see those birds

stanny boy: [birdpictures.jpg]  
[a lot of bird pictures, some of which feature Bill making a face at the camera]

billy boy: hey

billy boy: i thought we were going to keep out the ones with me

stanny boy: You’re too cute for me to not include them.

billy boy: awww stan 

books: not to ruin the moment, but nice pictures stan

roachie: oh billy im about to meme the shit out of your face

billy boy: fuck you

stanny boy: Thank you, Ben.

roachie: too late

roachie: [billmemes.jpg]

billy boy: can we please cancel richie 

gay panic: no.

billy boy: you really did just come here to defend your bf didn’t you

gay panic: and what about it, denbrough

billy boy: @stan come protect me

stanny boy: Lay a finger on my Bill, and you won’t have a use for hand sanitizer anymore.

gay panic: wait a damn minute

gay panic: YOUR bill????

roachie: STAN WHAT

books: i am confusion

stanny boy: Can’t a guy be protective of his Bill smh.

books: stan using an acronym??? what’s going on???

roachie: [jazzmusicstops.jpg]  
  


———

**[Stan My Man <3 - Billy Baby <3]**   
  


Billy Baby <3: should we just tell them?

Stan My Man <3: Probably.

Billy Baby <3: alright, we’ll do it together

Stan My Man <3: So much for not telling right away.

———

**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


billy boy: can you all not harass MY stan like that?

books: ???

gay panic: are you two fucking with us

stanny boy: No, dumbass, we’re dating.

gay panic: ??? since when????

billy boy: last night

billy boy: we were trying to see how long it took everyone to figure it out before telling you

roachie: CALLED IT

roachie: FUCKING FINALLY

stanny boy: Big talk coming from someone who didn’t confess after years of yearning.

books: omg guys i’m so happy for you!!!

gay panic: told you so

sheep: ^^^

arson: finally both my sons have boyfriends

sheep: before you ask, it’s stan.

books: 100%

stanny boy: I’m honored.

billy boy: wow i go from being your independent son to chopped liver huh

stanny boy: Don’t worry, Bill, I still love you.

billy boy: at least i have the best boy in the world to care for me

gay panic: wow youre really gross 

roachie: ^^^  
  
stanny boy: Big talk coming from the people who make out in public.

gay panic: THAT WAS ONE TIME

arson: and it was disgusting

arson: i regret having to see that

gay panic: fair enough.

———

[7:17 pm]  
  


roachie: gotta make a move to a town that’s right for me

billy boy: DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO

gay panic: town to keep me moving, keep me groovin with some energy

arson: DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO 

sheep: well i talk about it talk about it talk about it talk about it

books: do do do do do do do do do do

roachie: TALK ABOUT TALK ABOUT TALK ABOUT MOOOOVIN

gay panic: gotta move on

arson: gotta move on

billy boy: gotta move on

sheep: wont you take me to

books: FUNKYTOWN

roachie: WoNt YoU tAkE mE tO

billy boy: FuNkYtOwN

arson: WONT YOU TAKE ME TO

gay panic: F U N K Y T O W N

arson: wont you take me to

arson: (stan its your turn)

stanny boy: (No.)

billy boy: (please?)

stanny boy: (Only for you, Bill.)

stanny boy: Funkytown.

billy boy: yay

books: :)))

arson: nice job boys

roachie: im so proud of all of you for making that work

stanny boy: Why am I friends with a bunch of crackheads?

roachie: dont pretend youre not just as much of a crackhead

gay panic: literally yesterday you and bill were quoting vines and not letting anyone interrupt

stanny boy: Hush, I’m trying to make a point.

arson: awe cmon stan, its not a crackhouse, its a crackhome

sheep: you know you love us

stanny boy: I do.

roachie: at least this isnt as much of a crackhead-house as that one on neibolt

books: the one where all the kids were kept that one summer

roachie: yup

gay panic: ugh i hate walking past that place

gay panic: gives me the creeps

billy boy: can we not talk about that please

sheep: of course, sorry dude

billy boy: it’s fine, i just don’t have a lot of good memories tied to that place, yknow

arson: totally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is short, I hope you enjoyed anyways.
> 
> Go take a walk, you’ll feel better,  
> \- Carson


	21. Pirate names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or, in an alternate title: I project onto Bill because I, too, am the leader of my friend group, and wear lots of flannel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik that none of y’all care but I’m excited about a thing and I’m going to rant about it in this note so if you don’t care, please skip. Last night, your boy came out to their older brother as trans and it went really really well and I’m going to cry because I love my older brother, he’s my favorite sibling, and he said he supports me no matter what and called me Carson for the first time and this is genuinely the happiest I’ve been in a long time.

[sunday, 7:45 pm]  
  


**[Losers Club :)]**   
  


billy boy: guess who just came out to his parents

billy boy: this guy

sheep: howd it go?

billy boy: really well, they said that they love me no matter what and that it doesn’t matter who i love.

sheep: congrats dude!

stanny boy: I’m really proud of you, Bill.

roachie: big bill did it! very nice!

gay panic: congrats bill!

arson: thats great!!

books: yay bill!!!

billy boy: thanks guys, i couldn’t have done it without all your support.

stanny boy: Do they know about us?

billy boy: not yet, i thought it would be better if we could do that together

sheep: this calls for celebration

sheep: family dinner at mine tomorrow?

billy boy: you really don’t have to.

roachie: we are celebrating this occasion whether you wan to or not there billothy

gay panic: ^^^^

arson: ^^^^

stanny boy: ^^^^  
  
books: ^^^^

billy boy: fine

sheep: does like 6 work for everyone?

arson: works for me

books: i can pick you up at like 5:45 bev

arson: thx babe xx

books: <3

roachie: yall make me sick

roachie: but yeah i can do 6

stanny boy: I’m assuming I’m picking Bill, Richie, and Eddie up?

roachie: pls

gay panic: more like im going to be waiting at your car for you to pick up the other two

sheep: ok so im assuming everyones coming

gay panic: yup

stanny boy: Wouldn’t miss it.

billy boy: well seeing as it’s in honor of me coming out i guess i have to come

gay panic: none of us were going to let you not go

sheep: cool ill tell gramps right now

———

[9:32 pm]  
  


roachie: @5 dollar bill my parents say congrats

billy boy: d

billy boy: did you

billy boy: what the fuck did you just call me?

roachie: 5 dollar bill

billy boy: wow i’m only worth $5 to you

billy boy: after all these years smh

roachie: no bill please

billy boy: i thought you loved me

roachie: billy no i do love you

billy boy: we’re done, richard.

billy boy: i’m leaving you for stan

roachie: bill no

stanny boy: Please, don’t involve me in your dumb joke relationship drama.

billy boy: gasp, i thought you loved me

stanny boy: Where’d you get that idea?

stanny boy: You know that my only love is Sharon.

billy boy: i thought we had something special, but you love that bird more than me

stanny boy: Ok but for real, I’m going to bed, I love you, Bill, goodnight all.

billy boy: love you too <3

stanny boy: <3

roachie: night staniel

———

[monday, 7:03 am]  
  


roachie: good morning my wonderful friends 

gay panic: who are you and what have you done with richie

roachie: r00d

gay panic: ok nvm it is you

gay panic: whats got you in such a good mood today

roachie: im just fuckin HYPED up on coffee and red bull and ~~anxiety~~

gay panic: do you need to talk

roachie: prolly

roachie: dw i have therapy tomorrow

roachie: oh by the way i cant hang tomorrow i have therapy

arson: istg the next person who wakes me up is getting their neck snapped

roachie: good morning to you too bevvy

arson: beep beep

books: hello my darling friends and partners

arson: !!! benny!!!

books: !!! bevvy!!!

roachie: wait how come he gets to call you bevvy and i dont 

arson: cause hes cute

roachie: ouch

gay panic: hey

gay panic: richie is very cute in his own special way

roachie: aww baby <3

gay panic: <3

sheep: y’all really are the softest sometimes

arson: !!! mikey!!!

books: !!! mikey!!!

sheep: bevvy!!!! benny!!!! gm!!!!

stanny boy: im going to have to brush my teeth again, cause you all are too sweet.

arson: you and bill literally do the same thing but go off

billy boy: i have been summoned

billy boy: oh

billy boy: why are you all soft at like 7:15 on a monday 

gay panic: why arent you

billy boy: because it’s fucking 7:15 on a monday 

roachie: ok there fiver, i see how it is

books: is that another money nickname

roachie: ues

_[roachie changed billy boy’s name to $5]_

stanny boy: Yes**

$5: fuck off

arson: jeez bill you good

roachie: hes just a little cranky

gay panic: he gets like this sometimes, usually when he hasnt eaten

stanny boy: Bill, please go eat, you’ll feel better

$5: fine

arson: weve been friends for years and havent noticed?

$5: i try to hide it, i hate snapping at people

books: you know you don’t have to hide anything from us

sheep: we love you no matter what

arson: yeah man, losers stick together, and that includes us three

$5: you guys are right, i’m sorry

books: don’t be

$5: thanks guys, see you all at school.

gay panic: yeah im going to go too, see everyone in our usual spot

arson: bye guys

sheep: see y’all 

———

[12:35 pm]  
  


_[$5 changed their name to capitan]_   
_[capitan changed stanny boy’s name to first mate]_   
  


capitan: executive decision to make all of our names boat/pirate related

_[gay panic changed their name to second mate]_   
_[roachie changed their name to parrot]_   
  


second mate: that was very self-aware of you

parrot: im annoying, not stupid

sheep: dont say that about yourself

parrot: yes dad

_[sheep changed their name to third mate]_   
  


capitan: mike, i’m putting you in charge of naming the other two

third mate: i got this

_[third mate changed arson’s name to third mate’s wife]_   
_[third mate changed books’ name to third mate’s husband]_   
  


capitan: what was i expecting

third mate: you literally made stan first mate and youre coming for me

capitan: ...

capitan: i guess you have a point

third mate: thats what i thought

third mate: now go eat your lunch

third mate: EDDIE

second mate: YES

third mate: MAKE SURE THOSE THREE EAT THEIR LUNCHES

second mate: OK I WILL

third mate: THANK YOU

second mate: NO PROBLEM

———

[1:23 pm]  
  


second mate’s wife: i think its very cute mikey 

second mate’s husband: me too

second mate: nice to know someone appreciates my decisions <3

parrot: gross

second mate’s wife: youre one to fucking talk

second mate’s husband: richie, get off your phone and back to class

parrot: fineee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you’re all enjoying this, cause I’m still enjoying writing it.
> 
> Remember to exercise regularly,  
> \- Carson


	22. Bill’s acne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family dinner and Bill gets roasted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it’s me again back to give you more of this  
> I’m really projecting a lot into Bill lately and I don’t know why  
> Sorry it’s been so long to update
> 
> [not to self-promote but I wrote a one shot of Bev/Mike/Ben called I May Be Worthless Without You if you wanna check that out]

[monday, 3:05 pm]

**[Losers Club :)]**  
  


second mate: i will never understand why stan doesn’t just drive me home

second mate: we live literally across the street from each other

first mate: I already drive you everywhere else.

first mate: I’m not your fucking chauffeur.

second mate: ouch ok

first mate: That came off harsher than expected, I’m sorry.

second mate: nah its good

first mate: But still, Ben, you should take a turn driving dumbass 1 and 2.

third mate’s husband: i totally would, but my car is clean

second mate: hey

second mate: at least let me be dumbass 1

first mate: Actually, Richie is dumbass 1. I was friends with him first and he also proved himself to be a dumbass first.

second mate: i cant argue with the “richie proving himself to be a dumbass” thing but you were literally friends with him for like 5 minutes before we met

first mate: I was still friends with him first.

third mate’s husband: do you really want to deal with bev and mike’s constant loveyness

first mate: It can’t be worse than Richie and Eddie. 

third mate’s husband: fair.

third mate’s husband: i still don’t want to drive them

second mate: you make it seem so bad

second mate: were not that bad

first mate: Yes, you are. 

second mate: smh i cant believe youd say that

second mate: and after all this time no less

third mate’s husband: idk there eddie, he might have a point

second mate: you too ben

second mate: wow, this chat really is full of fake friends

third mate: i am here to restore the peace

third mate: and ask about dietary restrictions yet again

third mate: gramps wanted me to double check

first mate: As long as it’s kosher, I can eat whatever.

second mate: id say something about my many allergies but they arent real so

third mate: anyone else?

first mate: Bill is lactose intolerant, but that doesn’t stop him.

third mate: noted. 

third mate: alright, see yall at 6! 

———

[5:50 pm]

parrot: im shaking rn,,,

third mate’s wife: what happened??

parrot: stan is listening to garage rock,,,

captain: “Mike Krol is really good, you just have no taste.” - stan

third mate’s wife: wait a damn minute

third mate’s wife: Mike Krol???

third mate’s wife: i love his music!!!

captain: “Bev is the only valid one here.” - stan

captain: needless to say, i am offended

third mate’s wife: sucks to suck

third mate: i never pictured stan as the garage rock type

captain: “There are things you don’t know about me, Michael,”

parrot: lowkey tho

parrot: this kinda slaps

captain: “‘I Hate Jazz’ is a musical masterpiece from start to finish”

third mate: stan must really love this guy’s music

captain: to be fair, we are all jamming in this car

captain: even eddie, who is too busy screaming the lyrics to look at the chat

third mate’s wife: eddie likes mike krol???

third mate’s wife: this just keeps getting more and more shocking.

captain: we’re listening to grade school love and he’s shouting at richie

captain: rich looks so scared i’m-

parrot: listen here

parrot: when you have tiny passionate eddie screaming the lyrics to a rock song at you you can talk

parrot: this is traumatizing

third mate: are yall ok???

third mate’s wife: yeah

third mate’s wife: benny and i are listening to i hate jazz now but were good

captain: the four of us in martha are all good

captain: a million times came on so eddie has calmed a bit

second mate: i just really like his music ok

third mate: oh youre not dead

second mate: youre not getting rid of me that easily

third mate’s wife: mikey we have arrived

third mate: cool, gramps and i are setting up around the back of the barn

third mate’s wife: awesome

captain: we will be there shortly

third mate: take your time

third mate: we wont start without you

second mate: i sure hope not

\------

[7:02 pm]

third mate: [stanshovingfoodinbillsface.jpg]

[stan feeding bill, and ending up getting food all over bill’s face, both are laughing]

third mate: goals honestly

third mate’s husband: [eddieshovingrichieaway.jpg]

[richie trying to feed eddie like bill and stan, and eddie shoving him away]

third mate’s husband: two types of couples

first mate: [bevfeedingbenandmike.jpg]

first mate: At least some of us can be neat.

\------

[7:37 pm]

third mate’s husband: [richiedancing.mov]

third mate’s husband: you all better thank me for that amazing video

third mate’s wife: im going to edit the shit out of that im so excited

\------

[8:17 pm]

parrot: bev you better send that video to me asap

third mate’s wife: im literally editinging it rn give me a minute

parrot: editinging

first mate: Honestly, I expected better from you, Bev.

third mate’s wife: im so sorry to disappoint you stan

second mate: how tf do you add two ings to a word on accident?

third mate’s wife: beats me, but somehow you just do

first mate: This just in: Beverly Marsh officially declared dumbass 3

parrot: welcome to the club

second mate: were happy to have you

third mate’s wife: im not sure if i should be honored or offended

parrot: either reaction works tbh

captain: i’m shaking rn

captain: so georgie has these american flag clout goggles right

captain: and so i wanted to try them on

captain: i put them on for like not even 30 seconds and he says

captain: “the red really matches your acne”

parrot: ive never been more proud

third mate’s wife: holy shit is that kid ok

second mate: sdhdjjflkjksdj its funny cause its true

captain: i came here to be defended and eddie is really out here roasting me smh

parrot: dw big bill i gotchu

parrot: eddie, love of my life, darling, dearest, that was the ugliest keysmash ive ever seen

captain: thank you very much richardo

second mate: you have a Point but i dont care

captain: nevermind, eddie has no shame

first mate: Don’t worry, Bill, I still love you.

captain: nice to know someone appreciates me

first mate: Even if it does look like someone could read Braille on your face.

captain: ouch

parrot: nice one stanthony

parrot: thats my boy

third mate’s wife: every time stan roasts someone i gain 15 years to my lifespan

second mate: wow what an icon

first mate: Thank you, I try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that. I’ll get the next installment out sooner I promise.
> 
> I’m going to try and write things other than this, so keep an eye out I guess.
> 
> Remember to get enough sleep,  
> \- Carson


	23. Sleeping in jeans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just my brain combining two things I love: Stanley Uris and singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My document for this fic is now 169 pages long
> 
> Also!!! I’ve decided that I’m just going to start doing weekly updates on Mondays!!!

[tuesday, 2:45 pm]

**[squad fam 2.0]**

trashmouth: ever think about how plants will probably outlive the human race

trashmouth: what kind of plant secrets are they keeping

big bill: photosynthesis.

eddie spaghetti: why is that period so threatening

trashmouth: they mock us by producing their own food

trashmouth: little do they know that they are everyone elses food

eddie spaghetti: those damn plants

\------

**[Losers Club :)]**

parrot: eddie baby is playing imight be Crying

second mate: im lov u binch

first mate: How can you go from ranting about plants to being soft that quickly?

parrot: youll know when you fall in love staniel

second mate: what a nerd

parrot: dont pretend you arent just as bad

second mate: you right you right

first mate: Excuse you? I was in a relationship before both of you?

parrot: and

first mate: Are you implying that I don’t love Bill?

parrot: no

first mate: …

parrot: blease dont kill me

first mate: You’re on thin ice.

second mate: i just got a message with no context in my youth group chat

second mate: “there is just no water in the ocean i guess”

second mate: i am??? confusion??

second mate: “#sleepinginjeans”

second mate: ???

parrot: what does any of that have to do with jesus

second mate: i wish i knew

first mate: What kind of psychopath seeps in jeans?

second mate: some kid at my church ig

first mate: Ew.

parrot: once i fell asleep in my jeans after school

parrot: my legs were all sweaty when i woke up

parrot: do not recommend

first mate: Is that why you texted me about your “leggy sweaty” that one time?

second mate: hdfhlkfdkjds

second mate: leggy sweaty

parrot: yes, yes it is

captain: why are we talking about richie’s legs?

captain: oh

captain: relatable

first mate: I’m breaking up with you.

captain: please don't leave me

first mate: You SLEEP in JEANS.

captain: not often

parrot: its not that bad

first mate: Invalid.

second mate: richard are you implying that you sleep in jeans often

parrot: please dont yell at me

second mate: a crime

first mate: ^^^

captain: if i agree would it be hypocritical

first mate: Yes.

parrot: where are our parents to defend me smh

second mate: no ones going to defend you you sleep in jeans

parrot: listen,,,

parrot: its not like its intentional

first mate: I don’t believe that at all.

parrot: ok so its not always an accident

captain: i am. disgusted.

parrot: literally you do it too

captain: on accident, like once.

parrot: i really am being attacked.

second mate: you SLEEP with JEANS on

parrot: but what if i told you,,,,

parrot: im lov u

second mate: you make a good point

first mate: Weak.

second mate: look whos talking

first mate: I have no idea what you mean.

second mate: so its not you singing love songs from your window

captain: stan that’s so cute

first mate: No comment.

second mate: [buildmeupbuttercupbutitsacrossthestreet.mov]

captain: !!!!

captain: i really am in love

first mate: Is this how Richie feels 24/7?

parrot: yes, yes it is.

parrot: but also

parrot: my bff is so talented

first mate: Thank you, I try.

captain: i have a new alarm/ringtone

first mate: I could give you better audio if you want.

captain: no i love the raw emotion this has

first mate: The flattery, I’m overcome with emotion.

\------

**[squad fam 2.0]**

staniel: My mother invited you three specifically for dinner tonight.

eddie spaghetti: im knocking rn

trashmouth: i could never pass up an offer from the lovely andrea uris

staniel: Nevermind, only Eddie and Bill are invited.

trashmouth: too bad im already on my way

eddie spaghetti: i hope youre walking

trashmouth: its not like i have many other choices

trashmouth: and besides, i have to be there in one piece for mrs uris ;)

staniel: I hope you trip.

eddie spaghetti: beep beep

big bill: someone please open the door

big bill: i left so fast i forgot to text that i was on my way

trashmouth: how??? did??? you??? beat??? me????

big bill: the power of z o o m

\------

[5:47 pm]

**[Losers Club :)]**

third mate’s wife: me, seeing bill posted on his snap story: oh great more georgie content :)

me, hearing stan’s heavenly angel voice: :”)

third mate: it’s true, she cried.

third mate’s husband: we all did

third mate’s wife: auntie was very confused

third mate: my new dream is to own a record label specifically so i can sign stan

first mate: Aww, you guys.

first mate: Thank you <3.

second mate: [stancryingatdinner.jpg]

second mate: hes a softie

captain: thats my boy!!!

parrot: barf

third mate: you and eddie are just as bad.

third mate’s husband: also you're in the same place.

third mate’s husband: get off your phones and eat your dinner

third mate’s wife: called out

third mate: you too, bev

third mate’s wife: called out x2

\------

[8:17 pm]

captain: georgie says he wants stan to sing him to sleep every night

captain: honestly rt

third mate’s wife: rt

parrot: rt

second mate: rt

third mate: rt

third mate’s husband: rt

parrot: on an unrelated note

parrot: which loser would win if we fought to the death

third mate’s wife: stan or eddie

captain: stan

third mate: bev

third mate’s husband: definitely not richie.

parrot: i am hurt

second mate: me

second mate: also richie is a twig he would die first

parrot: o u c h

third mate: you say that as if we could ever bring ourselves to fight each other

parrot: throwback to when bill punched me in the face

captain: i’m,,, sorry,,,,

parrot: no i was waaay out of line youre good

second mate: when did this happen????

parrot: remember when you broke your arm

second mate: yes, vividly.

parrot: after your mom carted you away from us i got all pissy at bill

parrot: and i am ashamed to admit that i told him georgie was dead

second mate: you WHAT

parrot: no one regrets it more than i

parrot: but anyways

parrot: bill got rightfully mad and punched me in the face

second mate: o o f

parrot: correct

parrot: but we all good now 8D

second mate: never do that again

parrot: you cant stop me

second mate: yes i can

second mate: if you use that again, im breaking up with you

parrot: looks like im never using it again

second mate: point proven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!! See y’all next week!
> 
> Also happy pride!! I love each and every one of you, and you deserve the world!
> 
> Go take a walk,  
> \- Carson


	24. Soft Richie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love Richie Tozier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all it is me again, back with your weekly dose of this garbage.

[wednesday, 7:45 am]

**[Losers Club :)]**

third mate: @richie didnt you have therapy yesterday

parrot: nah my dumbass got the day wrong

parrot: i actually have it today sooo

third mate: imagine my shock

parrot: lmao i got home and was like ready

parrot: and my mom was like

parrot: you realize thats not until tomorrow right

third mate: well at least you get to go today

parrot: hell yeah mikey

third mate’s wife: @richie you woke me up

third mate’s wife: sleep with one eye open

parrot: oops

first mate: Shut up and get to school. 

parrot: wow ok then

\------

[12:57]

captain: i’m sorry in advance, i told richie he could rename everyone

third mate: bill why

parrot: i have become god

_ [parrot changed their name to most handsome] _

_ [most handsome changed captain’s name to flannel man] _

_ [most handsome changed first mate’s name to angry gay] _

flannel man: hold up one second

flannel man: explain

most handsome: you literally wear exclusively flannels idk what you wanted

angry gay: I hate this.

most handsome: youre just proving my point staniel

_ [most handsome changed second mate’s name to cutie patootie] _

cutie patootie: im going to strangle you

flannel man: you literally just crawled into his lap

third mate: wow exposed

cutie patootie: i feel attacked

most handsome: aww eds you love me

cutie patootie: i do Not

angry gay: You are currently telling him how much you love him.

cutie patootie: wow ok im just trying to live my life with my adorable boyfriend an im being attacked

cutie patootie: this is homophobia

most handsome: dw eds ill defend you

most handsome: eds is very tough and i love him

cutie patootie: my hero

third mate: i can smell the sarcasm through the text

_ [most handsome changed third mate’s name to giddyup] _

giddyup: im not a cowboy but ok

most handsome: but you are tho

_ [most handsome changed third mate’s wife’s name to the girl] _

giddyup: shes not going to like that but ok

most handsome: oh yes im aware

most handsome: i have prepared for my death

cutie patootie: youre not allowed to die

most handsome: youll have to discuss that with bev

cutie patootie: @bev square up

most handsome: my hero ,,,

giddyup: ok now that was genuine

_ [most handsome change third mate’s husband’s name to benny worm] _

giddyup: hes going to love it

most handsome: uh yeah i sure hope it does

\------

[1:25 pm]

the girl: i-

the girl: ok then

benny worm: !!!

benny worm: my love for jack stauber is almost as great as my love for architecture i’m-

benny worm: i love it!!!

most handsome: knew youd appreciate it

most handsome: and im glad for bevs indifference

the girl: im not surprised by anything anymore honestly

most handsome: mood

giddyup: [bensingsbennyworm.mov]

giddyup: do you ever see something so precious it makes you cry-

most handsome: he owns my soul

the girl: i really do love my boys

benny worm: i feel exposed

the girl: were trying to compliment you here

giddyup: accept our love

most handsome: only the best for my king

benny worm: !!

benny worm: richie get back to class

most handsome: ,,,

giddyup: listen to your father

most handsome: ugh fineee

\------

[4:37 pm]

**[cuties!!]**

mikey <3: babes!!! you know what’s on saturday???

benny <3: how could we forget

bevvy <3: we still having that picnic in the park right?

mikey <3: of course

mikey <3: i also have a surprise for after

mikey <3: gramps also told me to invite y’all to stay the night so the offer is there

bevvy <3: hell yeah sleepover

mikey <3: youre cute like that

benny <3: mom says it’s alright so i’m in

mikey <3: awesome

bevvy <3: auntie trusts me so ill also be there

mikey <3: cant wait

benny <3:me neither

bevvy <3: me neither neither

\------

**[squad fam 2.0]**

staniel: Richie, how was your appointment?

trashmouth: very good thank you for asking

trashmouth: im feeling much less anxious

staniel: That’s good.

big bill: glad to hear it, dude

big bill: georgie says that he’s proud of your progress

trashmouth: tell georgie i love him

big bill: he loves you too

spaghetti: sorry im late

spaghetti: oh its love richie time

spaghetti: my speciality

staniel: Here we go.

spaghetti: chee im so proud of how far youve come!!! i love you so much and you are the strongest person i know!! 

trashmouth: wow im soft

trashmouth: i love you guys so much

trashmouth: best friends <3

staniel: <3

big bill: <3

spaghetti: love you too chee <3

trashmouth: ,,, im really feeling the love in this burger king tonight,,,

trashmouth: might need to move to main chat to hold all this love and appreciation

staniel: You’re such a softie, Rich.

trashmouth: i am well aware stanny bananey

big bill: ??? stanny bananey???

trashmouth: like anna banana but stanny bananey

staniel: I have a new least favorite nickname

trashmouth: shut up you love me

staniel: Only sometimes.

spaghetti: thats a funny joke

spaghetti: we all know richie is your second favorite behind bill

big bill: awe babe <3

trashmouth: aww stan <3

trashmouth: BILL

big bill: RICHIE

trashmouth: BIG BRAIN

big bill: HECK YEAH

staniel: I feel called out.

spaghetti: good

\------

**[Losers Club :)]**

most handsome: dear friends im feeling the love tonight

most handsome: so i will be genuinely complimenting you all,,

angry gay: This should be fun.

most handsome: and we have our first volunteer

angry gay: Oh, God.

most handsome: stan, you really are the best friend i could ask for

angry gay: That was surprisingly sweet, thank you.

most handsome: my pleasure

benny worm: soft richie!!!

most handsome: ben!!!

most handsome: your absolute pure energy makes my day

benny worm: aww rich i love you too

giddyup: wow,,, he can be nice

most handsome: im choosing to ignore that comment in favor of being soft

most handsome: mikey,,,, youre such smart and at the same time just an absolute marshmallow,,,,

giddyup: wow,,, i feel appreciated,,,,

most handsome: good

flannel man: i want to go next

most handsome: yes sir bill

most handsome: youre a very good leader and i would probably die if you told me to

flannel man: richard tozier youre making me cry <3

most handsome: thats my job

the girl: ok ok its my turn

most handsome: ah beverly

most handsome: the only valid female this shithole town has ever produced

the girl: im honored

flannel man: as you should be

most handsome: EDS GET OVER HERE ITS YOUR TURN

cutie patootie: my turn for what exactly

most handsome: im complimenting people

cutie patootie: im not sure i trust you definition of compliment but ok

most handsome: shut up and let me give you love

most handsome: you are very nice and good and cute and im lov u

cutie patootie: i love you too prick

most handsome: always a charmer spaghetti

cutie patootie: ugh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that mess, I know I did.
> 
> Here’s your reminder to do your part for blm and sign petitions at least, we have to stand together.
> 
> Go tell your friends you love them  
> \- Carson


	25. Music Vibes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends it is I  
> I wrote most of this while on FaceTime with my best friend so maybe it makes it funnier idk.

[wednesday, 8:06 pm]

**[Losers Club :)]**

most handsome: protip

most handsome: wine is disgusting

cutie patootie: why the FUCK are you drinking wine

most handsome: it leaves this really word taste in your mouth

most handsome: 0/10 would not recommend

cutie patootie: istg rich if you become and alcohol addict im breaking up with you

most handsome: dw it was just a sip

most handsome: mom offered to let me try

the girl: pussy

most handsome: rude

giddyup: not to call anyone out but

giddyup: bev, youve had one glass of alcohol, once

giddyup: and it was because your aunt didnt have grape juice on nye

the girl: ,,, called out

most handsome: now that i think about it

most handsome: why dont we drink or anything

the girl: losers dont do that

the girl: were losers

giddyup: stan and eddie would disown us

cutie patootie: i would

benny worm: we’re also planning on getting absolutely wrecked when mike turns 21

giddyup: youngest loser check

most handsome: cant wait to recreate that scene from the original spongebob movie

the girl: WaAiItERRR

cutie patootie: can we please watch that this weekend

cutie patootie: my mom is gone so i can host movie night

the girl: o o f

giddyup: eddie,,,,

cutie patootie: o shit yeah i forgot whoops

cutie patootie: well watch it when you three arent busy

\------

**[squad fam 2.0]**

trashmouth: since the saps are going to be too busy making out this weekend

trashmouth: core four sleepover?

spaghetti: hell yeah

big bill: i can host

big bill: georgie wants to see you

spaghetti: i cant say no to georgie

trashmouth: heck yes georgie time

spaghetti: we’re watching the original spongebob movie

big bill: naturally

trashmouth: ill bring my fun uno cards

trashmouth: and we can get stanthony to bring his uke

big bill: sounds like a plan

——

[thursday, 7:03 am]

**[squad fam 2.0]**

staniel: You know I could never pass up a chance to see my favorite boy.

big bill: aww stan <3

staniel: I was talking about Georgie but ok.

big bill: aww stan </3

spaghetti: tbf who doesnt love georgie

staniel: If you don’t love Georgie, we can’t be friends.

spaghetti: my life motto

big bill: i’m still shocked every time you pick him over me

spaghetti: best get used to it there billy

———

**[Losers Club :)]**

the girl: it is my turn to wake you fuckers up

angry gay: Too bad I was already awake.

the girl: fuck you

angry gay: Please don’t.

most handsome: yo eds whens your mom leaving i have to give her a goodbye kiss

cutie patootie: asshole

cutie patootie: she leaves tonight and comes back monday 

cutie patootie: btw stan is your extra room open

angry gay: It always is.

most handsome: you can stay with me if you want eds

cutie patootie: really

most handsome: yeah the parentals are fine with it

cutie patootie: then im staying with chee

cutie patootie: no offense to your parents stan

cutie patootie: but maggie and went are the best

angry gay: That’s totally fair.

most handsome: aw yeah eds is staying with me

the girl: this wont go well

angry gay: They won’t last two days.

most handsome: offended

angry gay: Good.

\------

[9:46 am]

giddyup: heads up for health pop quiz y’all

flannel man: mike >>>>>

most handsome: saving our asses since 2k17

\------

[1:54 pm]

most handsome: song that youre really feeling today

cutie patootie: bang by ajr

most handsome: feisty

flannel man: beware the dog by the griswolds

flannel man: missing past summers hours

most handsome: thought id share too

most handsome: giants by bare hands

most handsome: also big good grief by bastille vibes too

angry gay: Juliet by Cavetown

giddyup: interesting choices

giddyup: im personally feeling big if i didnt have you from monsters inc

cutie patootie: no u

most handsome: no u

flannel man: no u

angry gay: No, you.

most handsome: im unfriending stan

angry gay: No, you aren’t.

most handsome: no im not

giddyup: children children stop fighting

most handsome: yes father

angry gay: Yes, sir.

giddyup: ok now go eat your lunches

angry gay: Yes, sir.

\------

[1:34 pm]

the girl: just a girl no doubt

the girl: im in a mood today

benny worm: oh no by marina

\------

[3:36 pm]

most handsome: the vibes are immaculate today

most handsome: im making you all playlists soon so be prepared

cutie patootie: but babe

cutie patootie: your music taste sucks

most handsome: correction, im making everyone except eds a playlist

flannel man: as if you could resist

most handsome: i hate that youre right

benny worm: aww richie thats so nice

most handsome: ben is so valid

benny worm: i try

most handsome: hey eds when will you be here

cutie patootie: im packing a bag rn

most handsome: see you soon love

flannel man: “Barf.” -stan

flannel man: he’s listening to mike krol again

benny worm: exposed

benny worm: but can you blame him

flannel man: you have a Point

cutie patootie: hey chee can we please listen to mike krol

most handsome: this is a trap

cutie patootie: please

most handsome: only because you know i cant say no to you

flannel man: “yes, infect him.” -stan

cutie patootie: the gay agenda is listening to mike krol

benny worm: ,,, but it is,,,,

benny worm: think about it

cutie patootie: oh my god

flannel man: “as it should be” -stan

flannel man: i agree

\------

[5:12 pm]

angry gay: Can we please have a moment to roast the shit out of Bowers?

the girl: did you mean: group therapy?

benny worm: imagine having a mullet in 2020

benny worm: could never be me

angry gay: Sometimes, I want to call him an invalid rat boy, but then I remember that rats have feelings.

the girl: his hair may be ugly, but his personality is uglier

benny worm: i love my gf

angry gay: That was a great line. 

the girl: thank you thank you

cutie patootie: wait were dragging bowers

cutie patootie: that bitch unironically offered me money to blow him hes so desperate

the girl: wait fr

cutie patootie: im not joking

angry gay: I’m going to murder him.

the girl: im joining

benny worm: i’m not saying i condone violence but i condone this violence.

cutie patootie: no ones stopping you

cutie patootie: BOWERS DID WHAT TO EDDIE

cutie patootie: IM COMIN WITH ON THE MURDER PARTY

cutie patootie: fshhdhskh

cutie patootie: richie thought itd be a good idea to steal my phone

most handsome: i have regrets.

angry gay: I have no expectations, and he still manages to let me down.

most handsome: nice to know i have your confidence stanny

the girl: i love you richie

most handsome: thank you bev my dear

the girl: anytime, sir richard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Most of this is based off real life events, so take that as you will.
> 
> Go tell someone you love them,  
> \- Carson
> 
> Ps. I’m going to be posting something else soon so stay on the lookout :)


	26. Friendship bracelets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi please ignore that this is like 45 minutes late I totally forgot I had to post until like 10:30 it was a mess.
> 
> Anyway, come get y’all content

[thursday, 6:45 pm]

**[Losers Club :)]**

cutie patootie: reminder that i love maggie and went tozier with my entire heart

flannel man: a mood

the girl: ^^^^

cutie patootie: when your second mom makes your favorite dinner because she knows youre coming over and your father figure ruffles your hair and calls you son

flannel man: wow maggie and went really are the best huh

the girl: only respect for my second parents

flannel man: ^^^

cutie patootie: ^^^

most handsome: my parents say that they love you all and youre always welcome in our household

most handsome: also eds blushing because i read these texts to my parents is the cutest thing

most handsome: [eddieblushing.jpg]

most handsome: what a nerd

flannel man: you really had to expose him huh

most handsome: why yes i did

most handsome: but if youll excuse us, we have some delicious pot pie to eat

the girl: jealous

\------

[7:54 pm]

giddyup: @reddie remember its a school night

cutie patootie: were doing hw rn

giddyup: are you sure about that

cutie patootie: some of us need to study to get good grades so yes

giddyup: i trust you

angry gay: Not seeing Eddie in his window across the street is really odd.

cutie patootie: not staring out my window at you is really odd.

giddyup: wow ok there eddie

cutie patootie: what its not weird

angry gay: It’s really not.

angry gay: We have entire conversations via gestures and facial expressions in the evenings.

cutie patootie: it helps us get good for when were exasperated with the rest of you

giddyup: that actually sounds really funny

angry gay: It is very entertaining.

benny worm: i used to do that with the old lady across the street before i moved here

benny worm: i miss her

angry gay: Were those the only interactions you had with her?

benny worm: oh no we’d bake cookies together once a week

benny worm: i also miss baking cookies

giddyup: this is the wholesome content im looking for

angry gay: You could come over tomorrow after school and we could bake?

benny worm: oh yes that sounds great

giddyup: if y’all want me there i can bring fresh eggs

angry gay: That would be great, Mike.

cutie patootie: i expect fresh baked cookies on saturday stan

angry gay: Only if there are enough leftover.

cutie patootie: fair enough

cutie patootie: ok chee is bugging me about my phone ill see everyone tomorrow

giddyup: see ya dude

benny worm: bye eddie

angry gay: Text me when you need someone to rescue you from Richie.

benny worm: slkhsjkd stan

angry gay: I speak only the truth.

benny worm: i will never get used to your brutal honesty

angry gay: It’s my best talent.

giddyup: disagree but ok

benny worm: that’s also a disagree from me there, chief

angry gay: You guys will not let me get away with any self-deprecation, will you?

benny worm: no

giddyup: never

benny worm: ok i’m changing the topic

benny worm: remember those rainbow loom bracelet thingies

giddyup: vividly

angry gay: Yes, why?

benny worm: i found the bands from mine and i’m making you all bracelets based on the colors i associate with you

giddyup: this is the kind of wholesome content im looking for

angry gay: That’s really nice of you, Ben.

benny worm: we got dark blue for stan, purple for mike, orange for bev, green for richie, red for bill, and yellow for eddie.

benny worm: which leaves me with light blue

benny worm: and then we’ll be a rainbow

giddyup: wow thats so cute i love my bf

angry gay: That’s actually a great and amazing idea.

benny worm: why thank you

angry gay: In other news, I painted my nails with just a layer of top coat so they’re clear

angry gay: It’s very shiny and I like it.

benny worm: i’ve always wanted to paint my nails

angry gay: I can paint them for you tomorrow

benny worm: sounds good!

\------

[friday, 7:15 am]

flannel man: we are serving looks today people

flannel man: [grandpashirt.jpg]

[Bill wearing a light orange button up with a parrot on the left chest, with the first two buttons opened, and a pair of black shorts]

cutie patootie: a style icon

cutie patootie: can it be fun button up day?

flannel man: 100% yes

flannel man: ok @everyone, it’s fun button up day

most handsome: [reddieshirts.jpg]

[Eddie and Richie posing in Richie’s mirror, Richie wearing an aqua button up with pretzels on it, and Eddie wearing a dark green button up with symbols on it]

most handsome: eds didnt pack a button up so hes wearing mine

the girl: [llamashirt.jpg]

the girl: its llama time

angry gay: [guitarshirt.jpg]

angry gay: Fun shirts aren’t my speciality, but this works.

the girl: it really fits your personality staniel

angry gay: Thank you, Bev.

most handsome: howd you know it was a compliment

angry gay: I’ve learned to accept anything from you all as a compliment.

the girl: we are really bad at phrasing things

benny worm: i heard it was fun shirt day

benny worm: [watermelonshirt.jpg]

benny worm: i’ve been saving this shirt for this exact occasion

the girl: iconic

giddyup: i found it

giddyup: [rubberduckshirt.jpg]

cutie patootie: i want it

giddyup: this is my favorite shirt back off

flannel man:ok now that we’re all looking sharp

flannel man: everyone make sure youre not late

flannel man: looking at you, mike, richie, and eddie

giddyup: i live the farthest away cut me some slack

most handsome: oh dont worry big bill moms gonna drag us out of the house any second now

flannel man: good, there’s not being late on matching days

the girl: bill really is that bitch huh

flannel man: excuse you beverly

flannel man: i just care about fun group activities ok

the girl: whatever you say, big bill

angry gay: Bill, don’t get defensive.

angry gay: Just go get something to eat, we’ll meet you at school.

flannel man: ok fine

flannel man: see you guys there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Bill, Eddie, and Richie shirts are all shirts I actually own and there rest aren’t and it shows.
> 
> Also thank you all for you over 100 kudos??? I never thought anyone would read this in the first place, so for over 100 people to like this enough to leave kudos is amazing.
> 
> Take a good nap,  
> \- Carson  
> (im-not-a-joke on tumblr)


	27. Ollie Homo Tozier-Kaspbrak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took like a 2 week break I totally did not mean to but my tumblr got a lot more active and I was preoccupied so please enjoy this short chapter as a peace offering

[friday, 12:20 pm]

**[Losers Club :)]**

angry gay: Fuck this.

_ [angry gay changed their name to Stan] _

flannel man: stan is now in charge of names.

most handsome: wait-

_ [Stan changes flannel man’s name to bluebird] _

bluebird: stan i-

bluebird: i am in love

Stan: <3

_ [Stan changes most handsome’s name to Dumbass #1] _

Dumbass #1: wow rude

Stan: Fight me.

_ [Stan changed cutie patootie’s name to Dumbass #2] _

bluebird: @parents eddie just hit stan

giddyup: eddie, no violence

Dumbass #2: he was mean!

giddyup: we established this like,,, multiple days ago. 

Dumbass #2: hmpf fine

Stan: Are we all good now?

Dumbass #2: yeah ig

_ [Stan changed giddyup’s name to World’s Best Dad] _

World’s Best Dad: kljhhdgfdfg stan <33

_ [Stan changed the girl’s name to Dumbass #3] _

_ [Stan changed benny worm’s name to Wholesome Mom] _

Stan: Hot take: Ben has mom friend energy.

Dumbass #1: youre right and you should say it

Dumbass #2: he does

\------

[3:07 pm]

**[Stan - Ben - Mike]**

Stan: You’re still coming over today, right?

Mike: yeah, we’re just stopping at mine to get the eggs, be there soon

_ [Mike named the chat Baking Buddies] _

Stan: You saps.

\------

**[Losers Club :)]**

Dumbass #3: @reddie how you two holding up

Dumbass #1: i did not realize what i was getting myself into by inviting eddie over for this long

Stan: It’s because he knows your parents love him no matter what.

Dumbass #3: ???

Dumbass #1: hes got all these specific things he does and hes very loud

Dumbass #3: what else is new?

Stan: Oh no, it’s worse when he’s not home.

Dumbass #1: but its fine because i love him

Dumbass #1: and im the same way a lot so its whatever

Stan: Gross.

Dumbass #3: what he said

Dumbass #1: you guys are all literally the same way 

Stan: No. All of us are objectively less gross

Dumbass #3: its true you two take it to a whole new level

Dumbass #1: this is slander 

Dumbass #1: i will not stand for it

Stan: mhm

bluebird: hello wonderful friends and stan.

Stan: You really need to work on your phrasing.

Dumbass #3: hey bill

Dumbass #1: sup billy bonka

bluebird: …

Stan: …

Dumbass #3: KJGSGHHJKJ BILLY BONKA

bluebird: thanks i hate it!

Dumbass #1: yeah that one did not hit right

Dumbass #3: thats the best thing ive heard all day

Dumbass #1: im glad you find my stupidity amusing beverly

Dumbass #3: you know i love you richard

Dumbass #1: id love to stay and chat but eddie is begging me for attention so i must attend to my duties as his boyfriend

Dumbass #3: lmao “duties”

Stan: How old are you, 7?

Dumbass #3: its funny!

Stan: It really isn’t.

Dumbass #3: its not my fault you dont appreciate peak comedy

Stan: Whatever, Ben and Mike are here so I have to go.

Dumbass #3: tell them i said hi

bluebird: bye stan.

Dumbass #3: you bill you wanna come over

bluebird: can i bring georgie?

Dumbass #3: yes

Dumbass #3: is that even a question at this point

bluebird: good point.

bluebird: omw

\------

[5:36 pm]

Dumbass #1: guess who just became a father

bluebird: Richard What The Fuck

Dumbass #1: [dog.jpg]

Dumbass #1: my son

bluebird: why didn’t you lead with that? i love him.

Dumbass #2: his name is ollie and he is our son

Dumbass #1: actually his name is homo

Dumbass #2: im not letting you name our son homo you oyster cracker

Dumbass #3: homo is a fantastic name 

bluebird: i’m with eddie on this one.

Dumbass #1: traitor

bluebird: georgie says you should just make his middle name homo

Dumbass #1: Ollie Homo Tozier-Kaspbrak

Dumbass #1: i like it

Dumbass #2: its not the worst thing ive heard

Dumbass #1: ok if eds approved its his name

Dumbass #2: i never said that

bluebird: you basically did

bluebird: [bevuglycackling.jpg]

bluebird: she is too busy laughing to say anything by the way

Dumbass #1: tell her i love her

World’s Best Dad: [cookiesandpaintednails.jpg]

World’s Best Dad: also tell ollie i love him

Dumbass #2: he says he loves his uncle mike

World’s Best Dad: jdkjlskjf im an uncle

Dumbass #2: also @stan save me some cookies

Stan: Maybe.

Dumbass #2: ill bring ollie over to bill’s tomorrow

Stan: Okay, you get cookies.

Dumbass #2: yess bribery

World’s Best Dad: ben also thinks ollie is very cute

Dumbass #1: im glad all of our sons aunts and uncles approve of him

bluebird: how could we not approve of that absolute cutie

Dumbass #1: idk you guys are weird

Stan: Look who’s talking.

Dumbass #1: r00d

Stan: My point exactly.

Dumbass #1: offended gasp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know this is short  
> Shout out to my friend Elliot for the dog idea and shout out to the tumblr gang discord for the dog name ideas
> 
> Eat your greens,  
> \- Carson  
> (im-not-a-joke on tumblr)

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah they’re here and they’re trying I guess
> 
> Shout out to my irl friends for giving me material
> 
> Stay safe y’all  
> -Carson


End file.
